Mel B shouldn’t have to speak out on alleged domestic violence

The onetime Scary Spice has been at the centre of gossip all week after she was rushed to hospital with a mystery illness as rumours about her marriage abound. Is it any of our business asks, Suzanne Harrington

The Spice Girl formerly known as Scary has been in the tabloid headlines for all the wrong reasons.

First, Mel B missed a high profile appearance on the X Factor after being taken to hospital by her driver with serious stomach pains – was it an exploding ulcer?

Then, when she did appear on the show, it was with several small cuts and bruises on her arms and face, and minus her wedding ring, which had been recently “upgraded” by her husband to a diamond the size of a dinner plate, but was now conspicuously absent.

Bruises and no wedding ring?

Cue Twitter meltdown.

Not one to spread rumors but Mel B doesn't have a wedding ring and is sporting a nice bruise on her cheek 👀 #justsaying

— Tim Jones (@fankspops) December 14, 2014

Everyone from concerned fans to her estranged sister tweeted hysterically about how Mel must surely be the victim of domestic violence; that her volatile seven-year marriage to American film director Stephen Belafonte had boiled over in ugly physical abuse.

That Mel had bravely put on a professional face rather than caving into her domestic crisis by appearing on the X Factor, where she is a judge, rather than running away and hiding, which, had she been attacked by her own husband, would have been an entirely reasonable response.

Instead her response to all the headlines has been zero.

She has neither confirmed nor denied that her husband allegedly assaulted her. Instead, she just held up her wedding ring-free hands.

According to The Sun – whose headlines we should always take with a shovel of salt – she has already left him: “Stricken Mel B Walks Out On Hubby Stephen.”

BREAKING: Stricken Mel B leaves hubby Stephen Belafonte as marriage in crisis.
Exclusive in @TheSunNewspaper tomorrow pic.twitter.com/LjIMb32Ii9

— Dan Wootton (@danwootton) December 15, 2014

Hubby Stephen is the only one to have bothered to address the issue publicly, saying allegations of his assaulting his wife are “disgusting” and “untrue”.

He does not, however, have a history of non-violence.

In the past, he attacked the mother of one of his children.

He also killed a duck with a brick, which sounds cartoonish, until you actually think about it.

The media assumption – both tabloid and social – is that Mr Scary has been beating up Mrs Scary. If this is the case, it is an appalling one, for innumerable reasons.

First, having a violent partner is a horrible, hideous situation for any woman to be in, terrifying, demeaning, isolating, and an absolute betrayal of the ideals of love and partnership.

How can being in love turn into violent assault? How do you even process that?

When the American sports star Ray Rice punched his fiance unconcious in a lift, she not only stayed with him, but defended him and went on to marry him, prompting a Twitter outpouring from abused women, hash tagged #WhyIStayed.

Then there’s the stark criminality.

Since 1996, there have been 204 women murdered in the Republic of Ireland. 62% were killed in their own homes.

When relational violence happens in public, as it did with Nigella Lawson being papped with her ex husband’s hands around her neck, is it worse – more humiliating – or better, in that the abuser is publicly outed?

Nigella Lawson/husband divorce aft pics of him choking her were released. Said he didn't do it & she shld support him pic.twitter.com/xCWduxXVIs

— Betty (@AmazonWoman22) July 7, 2013

In our culture of equality, we are all in agreement that any kind of violence in a relationship is utterly and completely taboo.

If Mel B, who is watched on the X Factor by millions of kids and young adults, was attacked and harmed by her husband, then is there some kind of moral imperative that she speaks up about it?

Does she owe it to women to out her husband as an abuser, if this is the case?

As a woman in the public eye, do we own her?

Is it our right to demand an explanation?

Or are we making massive assumptions based on what is technically very little, other than a marriage whose wheels may have come off in public?

I’m inclined to agree with Daisy Buchanan in The Daily Telegraph, who writes, “It’s worth asking ourselves whether the tweets about her bruises are based on a gendered assumption. Are we more likely to decide for ourselves that she’s the victim because she’s a woman, regardless of her words on the subject?”

Because there have been no words, other than shouty tweets from her estranged sister, we’ve been creating our own story.

We have no idea what happened, but gravitate to the idea that even a woman as allegedly ferocious as Scary Spice can be a victim of domestic abuse.

Which she can – anyone can. We just don’t know about this story specifically.

What we do know is that Mel is also estranged from her mother and father, and has in the past admitted to physical altercations with fellow Spice Girl Mel C.

Her husband has also been publicly involved in bar room brawls — he apparently thumped someone in a hotel, defending her honour.

In the past, he completed a year-long domestic violence rehabilitation programme.

Did it work? We don’t know.

Nobody knows except Mel B.