Having different occupations outside the home can help relationships thrive
So perhaps having similar interests but a wildly different working life is the answer.
We spoke to three couples who enjoy much of the same things in life but when it comes to earning a crust, have very different ways of doing so.
Bridget and Gerard Power from Kilkenny are both 32 years old and while the pair, who have recently welcomed their first baby, both enjoy a love of the countryside, their roles couldn’t be more different.
Bridget is the proprietor of Belle Femme, a lingerie shop in Kilkenny city. Gerard, on the other hand spends his working day in a far muckier environment as he tends to his pigs on their family farm.
“I am originally from Mitchelstown and Ger and I met when he got a job in a pig farm down the road from where I was living about 12 years ago,” says Bridget. “I was also working in the office there and once we got talking, we really hit it off.
“He moved back to Kilkenny to work on his family farm and I eventually got a sales job there and we got married in 2010. I had been thinking about opening my own lingerie shop for years but while we were on honeymoon, Ger said I should stop talking about it and just do it. So, in February 2011, Belle Femme Lingerie was opened.
“Our working worlds are so different — mine revolves around beautiful designs, lovely materials and dealing with the public in a relaxing atmosphere. While Ger is outdoors on his own most of the time, his environment is mucky and there is nothing luxurious about it at all — but we both love our jobs.”
The Cork woman says while she and her husband work in very different worlds, they have a lot in common and plenty to talk about during their time off.
“Although our jobs are really different, we also have a lot in common,” she says. “We both grew up in the countryside so that is close to our hearts and we also both love eating out.
“But although we have shared interests, we are different too and that is why it is good for us to pursue our own dreams.
“I know ladies lingerie and pig farming isn’t an easy mix, but at the same time, there are principles that both businesses share and we help each other out behind the scenes.”
Husband Ger agrees and says their careers are secondary to their relationship.
“Having massively different jobs definitely keeps our conversation colourful — one minute we are talking about moving boxes of high-end lingerie to make room for more and the next we are moving piglets from one house to another to make room for more,” he laughs.
“But we were together for a long time before Bridget opened the shop so we would like to think our relationship was built on more than just the interest created by both our jobs.”
As well as being a mother of five, Mim is also an antenatal teacher, breastfeeding counsellor with Cuidiu, infant massage instructor and a doula. Patrick is an officer at Mountjoy Prison so it seems extraordinary that their wildly contrasting paths crossed at all.
“It seems such a long time ago but I went to a party with my friend Michelle, purely to keep her company and it was there I met Patrick,” recalls the 39-year-old Dublin woman. “He was tall and broad with a shaved head — very tough looking but with lovely arms and gentle eyes — what else could I do but fall for him?
“I was training as a Cuidiu antenatal teacher but working as a Montessori teacher when we met, while Patrick was working in advertising and had been in Bus Éireann before that. We discovered that we had a lot in common in that we both love going to gigs, have the same interest in TV viewing (mostly) and love good food — so that was a great start.”
Patrick, who also plays the drums in a bad called Tin Charm, says while his job is very different to his wife’s, they both involve caring for people in different ways and he often draws on Mim’s experience to help him deal with situations at work.
“I’m involved in the management, safety and care of many of Ireland’s Mountjoy prison population,” says the 43-year-old. “While Mim’s role is all to do with providing information, support and skills for birth and new life, I have sometimes used my knowledge of what she does when reassuring an inmate about his pregnant wife or girlfriend.”
Mim says although her husband’s job takes place in the tough world of prison, he often feels that her job is very demanding.
“Once Patrick told me that he had to go to hospital with an inmate who needed hundreds of stitches,” says the mother-of-five.
“He was unfazed by the incident as it’s a fairly regular sort of occurrence for him. But at the same time, I was telling him about a birth I had attended where I mentioned waters breaking and a bit of blood and he asked how I could do a job like that. It’s funny because my tale was about natural physiological occurrence.”
While the couple enjoy winding down with their family, they also have some contrasting interests and this, says Mim, helps to keep their relationship alive.
“On our time off, we switch off with good food, TV and hanging out with the kids,” she says.
“But Patrick likes physical wind-downs such as cycling, football and playing the drums whereas I like to veg out by reflecting, sleeping and cuddling the kids.
“I feel the contrasts in our lives are all good because I reckon we would drive each other mad if we were too similar. We have a few things which we do together with ease and comfort as a family but other than that we have a completely mad house — and it works great for us.”
She runs Burren Kitchen Garden and her days are spent growing, harvesting and foraging for fruit which she then turns into jams and preserves. Her husband is a GP and while she spends her time in the great outdoors, he tends to patients in a clinical environment which she says is very different from her role.
“John is a very good doctor, keeps up to date and is interested technically,” says 53-year-old Deborah, who has four grown-up children.
“Because I studied physics, chemistry and biology and later psychology, I do understand much of what he has to deal with. He has worked very hard over the years, supported many people and can diagnose and fix most things.
“I, on the other hand, sew and plant and manage the garden all year round. I produce jams, jellies and other preserves with my crop of soft fruit and vegetables and am part of the Burren Food Trail.
“Growing food is dependent on the quality of seeds, the soil, weather and temperature and it is of course, seasonal. Planning is everything and you need to be technically competent so in this way our work is similar but I can schedule my work whereas with medicine anything could happen from being called out to a car accident to tending to a child with high fever.”
But while their jobs require different skills and disciplines, John, who has three grown-up children, says he and Deborah, who he met in 1994, have a lot of interests in common.
“We both like working and meeting people and while I have enjoyed my career in medicine and the people I have met through my work, I do also enjoy outdoor activities,” says John, 70.
“Deborah and I have many interests in common such as food, reading, writing, theatre and film and we like to work together outside on the kitchen garden — preparing it, collecting and spreading seaweed or planning new beds. We have such a laugh plus lots of good friends and family who visit and help from time to time.”
Deborah says their happiness together, despite having different working lives, is due to the fact that they don’t take each other for granted.
“John and I make fun out of most things we do,” she says. “We understand that life is short. We both had very difficult separations at different times and realise how lucky we are to have found each other.
“We make a good team and most importantly, we make sure to pass the peace pipe often.”
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