My girlfriend touches herself, not me

In bed, my girlfriend is more concerned with touching herself than with touching me. Sometimes it’s sexy, but most of the time I feel like I’m quite incidental to the whole situation.

Reciprocity is fundamental to good sex, but to be truly intimate means being able to trust that your sexual needs will be met. Unfortunately, many couples find it easier to have sex than to talk about it, because asking for what you need in bed requires confidence, maturity and the courage to admit vulnerability.

These are qualities that elude the best of us, particularly when we are young and sexually inexperienced. Some people never develop the capacity to be sexually honest with their partners, while others, such as your girlfriend, develop behaviours that ensure orgasm at the expense of intimacy.