Why can’t I enjoy sex like everyone else?

I’m 38 and I’m in a good relationship. We have regular sex, but to me it feels like a box to tick rather than anything else.

Just like some people like sport and others don’t, I simply don’t enjoy sex. Do you think that my disinterest reflects the fact that I may have, in the past, had sex with men who were not very good in bed? And is there any way I can change my attitude and learn to enjoy sex like everyone else seems to?

It sounds as if you are experiencing hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSD), a condition characterised by the kind of disinterest in sex that you describe. Women with HSD are not afraid of sexual intimacy, but they suffer from a deficiency, or absence, of sexual desire. There is no single cause. It can be triggered by biomedical factors such as disease, drugs (antidepressants, the Pill, antihypertensives, even antihistamines are common causes), or hormonal deficiencies (reduced testosterone in particular), as well as psychological factors such as life events, sexual biography or your mood.