I am woman in my 50s, hear me roar

Barbara Scully rails against the notion that older females become invisible. What’s more, she has finally discovered her ‘inner creativity’.

WHEN I was a little girl I used to dream about having the power to become invisible. I figured that I could explore all kinds of places and situations that would normally be off limits to a child. I could overhear conversations, gain wisdom and have the power to blackmail all around me. I thought it would be the ultimate superpower.

Needless to say I never achieved invisibility. In fact, much of my childhood, while not quite blighted, was certainly marked out by the fact that I was the most visible of my classmates. As the tall girl I had to be very careful about getting up to no good because, while my smaller mates would get away with blending into the scenery, I stood out like the proverbial sore thumb and so managed to get caught every single time.

As I got older I harnessed this reverse superpower to my own advantage. I stood tall and enjoyed all the benefits that accrued; such as being able to see at concerts, usually being remembered and making smaller men feel a little — well, to be kind, I will say — uneasy.

So I am somewhat bemused to be constantly reading lately about how women are apparently feeling invisible as they hit their 50s. There was a recent survey in the UK of 2,000 women where two thirds of those over 45 said that they felt invisible to men if they walked into a room. More than half the women said that the presence of younger women at a social event made it totally “confidence sapping”. Even the beautiful Kristin Scott Thomas has said that she feels that people no longer notice her.

I am tempted to make a witty and shallow comment in response to these women who are looking for validation from men but I think there is a far more worrying aspect to all this. Because, along with all those ridiculous advertisements for ‘anti ageing’ products, we now have features appearing in mainstream media more or less telling women of a certain age that they are indeed invisible. It’s the final chapter in the same story that our daughters and granddaughters are being bombarded with; the story that tells women today that our worth is entirely dependent on our physical appearance, and specifically our sexual attractiveness.

Now I do know what it feels like to be invisible. Being a housewife for a decade provided a bit of an insight.

I toiled away in my suburban house looking after my family who all seemed to think that I was aided by an army of fairies who actually did the work. I was invisible, not only to my children, but also to wider society as the work that carers do has no value at all. But that is a different column altogether.

Now as I paddle in the waters of my 50s I find myself embracing a new-found freedom as the bonds of house and children are considerably loosened and maternity becomes a distant beautiful memory. Along with this freedom comes the realisation that I have been around the block more than a few times and have gathered lots of experience along the way. Women who are also mothers have often lives that meander around in a way that men’s rarely do, as they seek to accommodate pregnancy and childbirth into their working lives. So, by the time we have reached our 50s, we have gathered stories and wisdom of all kinds.

I studied reiki some years ago and I learned about Kundalini energy — the life force energy which is particularly active in women. In many Eastern traditions, menopause is seen as this Kundalini energy rising up through a woman’s body. This most powerful of energy is the driver of creativity. I remember my reiki master all those years ago telling us how important it was for menopausal women to rediscover their own innate creativity in order to assist this Kundalini energy to rise. So ladies, forget the hot flushes — it’s your inner creativity trying to find expression.

So let’s have a look at the evidence. Women in their 50s have their childbearing days behind them, they generally have children who have reached a level of independence, they generally have accumulated a wealth of experience, and I believe they are at the most creative and imaginative period of their lives. Yes, they wear the battle scars of all this living but they are also not seeking your approval for that, nor are they interested in your disapproval.

So do I feel invisible now that I am 52? Do I heck. I’ve never felt more alive, more powerful or more creative. Oh yes, I am one dangerous woman — no wonder they want me to believe that you can’t see me.