Twins should be treated as individuals

It’s important to treat twins as individuals and not as a set,writes Helen O’Callaghan.

ALL children must learn to become independent of parents, but twins also have to separate and individuate from each other.

Latest figures show increasing numbers are parenting twins. Statistics published in October record 1,307 sets of twins born in Ireland in 2011 — up from 1,240 in 2010.

It’s important to be aware right from the get-go that it’s best not to treat your twins as a single unit. The Irish Multiple Births Association (IMBA) recommends avoiding rhyming names or names beginning with the same initial. Otherwise, you “reinforce the sense that they come as a set and will make it a nightmare to identify their possessions as they get older”.

Rachael Joyce, vice-chair of IMBA and mum to twins Emily and Joe — who’ll be three next month — says the best advice she got from a ‘twin’ mother was to never call them ‘the twins’. “The term implies that’s all they are — instead, they’re individual people.”

Just because two children are born together and are perhaps identical or look alike doesn’t mean they’ll develop at the same pace.

“Mine developed at very different rates. One was talking and walking by 12 months, the other at 20 months,” says Joyce, who believes firmly in doing what’s right for each child.

“Emily’s very sociable — she’ll go off into the middle of a group. Joe has to suss everything out first. I have to parent them very differently. When it comes to disciplining them, I have to use a very calm voice and praise Joe a lot. I can be a bit stricter with Emily — she requires a different tone and approach.”

Her kids were aged one before Joyce really saw the strong bond that can exist between twins. “When they got to the toddler stage, they began entertaining each other. They tend not to want to play with me.”

Joyce acknowledges it’s easier to keep their individuality in mind when they’re a boy and girl and not identical — boy/girl twins will probably have more natural opportunities to separate as they embrace gender-specific activities. Experts recommend encouraging twins to engage in separate activities that each enjoys.

Aim too, as parents, to spend one-on-one time with each child.

TIPS

¦ Dress twins differently or compromise by dressing in same outfit but different colours.

¦ Take photos of each child on his/her own, as well as together.

¦ On birthdays, make two small cakes — sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to each child.

¦ Normalise twin-ship by having them socialise with other twin pairs.