I’ve met a great guy. I want to fancy him, but I don’t yet ...

¦ I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve met a great guy. I want to fancy him, because he’s brilliant and lovely and we have great rapport.

All my past relationships have started with lust. Can you make sexual attraction happen?

>> Those lust-first liaisons haven’t worked out for you, so passion alone is not enough. There has to be chemistry for a relationship to work, but if sexual attraction is on a scale from 1 to 10, where 0-2 means ‘zero attraction’ and 8-10 is ‘lust on steroids’, then a relationship between 3 and 7 may have greater durability, because your emotional connection, and your judgement, are not overwhelmed by your physical response.