Our teens not so sweet on OTT birthday parties
THINK My Super Sweet 16, think crippling excess, think a $67,000 (€48,000) Lexus for a tantrum-throwing teenager, think celebrity DJs, and opulent coming-of-age parties.
But before you spiral into panic attack mode over your teen’s upcoming birthday bash, take a chill pill.
While some Irish teenagers may have been influenced by the series which has been described as a “depressing indictment of our next generation’s goals and aspirations,” it seems that, to most kids, the MTV My Super Sweet 16 series is nothing more than good telly.
Seriously. Despite the rapidly fading memories of Celtic Tiger excess, most teenagers, up to the age of 18 at least, seem to be perfectly happy to go shopping, attend a disco, enjoy a pizza and a movie with their friends, or simply a sleep-over with close pals and a Chinese takeaway. Some will go bowling or paint-balling.
A far cry from ‘Audrey’ who made headlines after throwing a tantrum because her mother presented her with a gleaming Lexus for her ‘Sweet 16th’ birthday earlier than anticipated.
For most teenagers, their 14th and 15th birthdays are fairly low key and even the much-hyped 16th and 18th parties don’t go over the top.
“For their 14th and 15th birthday a lot of teenagers will go to the underage disco or to the cinema or the Leisureplex — I went paint-balling for my brother’s 21st birthday. It was the best adventure night I ever did,” says 18-year-old Denis White.
Denis thoroughly enjoyed his own 18th birthday party, held jointly with a friend in a hotel in his home town of Dunmanway in Co Cork.
“We had a DJ and finger food. The hotel had bouncers and were very strict on alcohol.
“They required ID from anyone trying to buy alcohol. Afterwards we went on to the local club.”
Many 18th birthday parties are held in homes, with family members present, he adds.
“Parents and extended family would usually be there, along with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, so the supervision is good. There would be grandparents there a lot of the time, so people behave — they are usually well run.
“I think people get more mature about it as the year goes by.”
Girls tend to be more particular than boys, however, he observes.
“Lads will just go with the flow. Girls like to have everything perfect. They like to wear a nice dress and have their hair done and they’ll spend a lot of money on the dress and on their hair.”
MTV-style Sweet 16 parties?
“Not in Ireland and not in West Cork!” he quips.
Emma Kerwick, 18, a Leaving Certificate pupil at Presentation Secondary School in Thurles agrees. “Teenagers think it’s good telly, but it’s not really relevant to us and we’re not really influenced by it, in my experience,” she says, adding that for her 14th birthday she went bowling.
For her 16th she “hung out with my friends and went to the cinema and for pizza,” after which a few stayed in her house for a sleep-over. “It was lovely,” she recalls. For her 18th she had a meal with her family and several aunts and uncles, before going on to a club with her friends.
“Some girls my age throw 18th birthday parties — they’d generally start off in the house and go on to a pub or nightclub.
“The 18th birthday is the biggest one. You’re an adult and you make your own decisions. I enjoyed a drink or two but I didn’t go overboard.”
Niamh O’Mahony, 15, from Kilmallock, Co Limerick, usually enjoys celebrating her birthdays with friends.
“I go to the cinema with my friends or they just come over and we head out and watch a film and have something to eat. We’d have pizza and chips or chicken goujons and then birthday cake.”
With the Junior Cert exams coming down the track, she hasn’t got around to planning her 16th birthday next August. “I haven’t even thought about mine.!
“We’ll probably do something like go shopping to Dublin or go to the cinema. MTV is quite unrealistic — nobody our age would do it to that extreme.”
An experienced mum with four children aged between 16 and 23, and one aged 11, Lynda O’Shea says that up to age 16, her kids generally opted for the cinema or having friends over for a Chinese takeaway. “We have had two 18th birthday parties, both of them quite low key. My daughter had one in the function room of a pub.”
The food was provided by the family, school friends acted as DJs and there was a rule that nobody under the age of 18 was served alcohol.
“I don’t see the point in lashing out huge sums of money on parties like this.”
There are exceptions though, acknowledges Lynda, who is spokesperson for the National Parents’ Council Post Primary. Some parents, she says, choose to provide a lavish birthday bash for a child.
“I know of one case where there was a huge birthday cake, a marquee, a DJ and caterers and the birthday girl had a designer dress with a ‘Sweet 16’ sash.
“I wondered what the parents would do for her 18th or her 21st. I think there are a lot of teenagers who are influenced by programmes like My Super Sweet 16. They’ll want everything in pink, an expensive dress and a limo — €190 for two hours — which they basically drive around in.”
She knows of one case where a Sweet Sixteen celebrated her birthday by hiring a limousine and spent two hours driving around in it with her friends, hanging out the windows and drinking non- alcoholic bubbly.
“After the two hours or so, they just drive to the party venue or back to the house. You can get about eight into a limo. These programmes definitely have had an effect because you wouldn’t have got this 10 or 15 years ago in Ireland.”
At the end of the day, however, it’s very much up to the parents, she says: “Parents need to take stock and wonder if they really need to give their child a big present or throw a lavish bash.
“It can create unrealistic expectations of what the kids will spend their own money on when they start working.
“Every parent wants to treat their child but sometimes it’s not about giving them everything they ask for.
“I think sometimes parents get swamped by what their child is looking for and don’t want to cause disappointment by saying no.”
Christine Coffey is looking forward to her 16th birthday this August but the Toomevara, Co Tipperary girl will not be going over the top.
“I’ll be going out to a disco with my friends.
“Some people rent out halls and have big birthdays on their 16th with food and music and maybe a DJ, but nobody I know really does it like MTV,” she says.
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