Gaining a partner can add to your waistline

HAPPY in your relationship but feeling a bit crowded?

It could be your expanding waistline is invading your space.

A large body of research has found couples tend to pile on the pounds when they start dating, move in together or get married. And women are more prone than men to getting heavier.

In a 2006 review of seven studies, dieticians at Newcastle University in Britain reported that women were more likely to fall into bad eating habits and gain weight when they started living with a man. In contrast, men appeared to benefit from their partner’s influence — eating more fruit and vegetables and less meat and so were more likely to lose weight.

“The reason for the change in dietary habits was that both partners try to please each other during the ‘honeymoon period’ at the start of a cohabiting relationship, by adjusting their routine to suit their partner and eating food that he or she likes,” says dietician Paula Mee, who says the average weight gain during a new relationship can be as much as 10lbs.

A 2008 study looked at 12,000 men and women aged 18 to mid-40s and found that, compared with when they were single, married men’s BMI rose by 1.5% above what they would normally gain as they aged, while that of married women increased by 2%.

Becoming a couple just gives you more opportunities for eating. “Eating can become central to how you spend time with your partner — you talk about your day when you sit down for dinner together, you might spend an evening at the cinema with some popcorn or decide to treat yourselves to a slap-up three-course meal at the weekend with plenty of wine and cocktails,” says Mee.

Muireann Cullen, manager of the Nutrition and Health Foundation, points out that along with marriage come increased social obligations — like hosting dinner parties so your friends and his can get together or going for Sunday lunch at his mum’s. And then there’s the fact that women tend to stretch the equality principle a little too far by matching what he eats, bite for bite. This ‘portion distortion’ can be a real factor in women’s weight gain, says Cullen. “Women more often do the cooking and then serve up the same portion size to themselves and their partner. It’s a habit and it’s easy from a visual point of view to split whatever it is in half.”

In the US, a survey of almost 1,300 18 to 27-year-olds, who were either dating, living together or married, found married couples were three times more likely to be obese, while cohabiting pairs had close to double the risk and dating couples were the slimmest.

Other research, published in the Journal of Obesity in 2012, suggested that the weight gain associated with the transition into marriage is due to “a decline in weight maintenance for the purposes of attracting an intimate partner”.

If you’re snuggling on the couch, comfortable and secure in your love for each other, the giant-sized tub of popcorn doesn’t seem to be such a dietary sin.

Couples take their eye off the ball when they become an item. “They’re happier, more comfortable and less focused on health,” says dietician with the Dublin Nutrition Centre Orla Walsh, who also points to a tendency to forego exercise you might have done as a singleton once you start dating.

“When you move in together, there’s always going to be compromise and this includes food — anything from how you cook to what food you eat regularly, even what brands you buy,” says Walsh, adding that food to most people is about more than just energy.

“It’s a social thing. One of the couple might cook dinner for the other as a way to show they care. They want it to taste good and this can mean adding something extra — cheese, butter, cream. They end up cooking a high-energy meal.”

Also, says Walsh, many people — especially women — go on rigid pre-wedding diets only to slacken off once they’re married and the pounds pile on. “They may not notice the weight going on, especially if it’s slow. Often, they see a photo or they go to the doctor and get weighed and they’re surprised by how much they’ve gained.”

This is what happened to Karen O’Flaherty, now a weight management advisor with Motivation Weight Management. For the 28-year-old Tralee woman, it was seeing her 17 stone self in her wedding and honeymoon photos that was the turning point. “It just wasn’t the image I’d had when I was younger of how I’d look in my wedding pictures.”

Both Karen and her bus driver husband Thomas, 30, (pictured below) piled on the pounds as soon as they became an item. “Thomas was carrying weight when I met him. He was 22 stone and he was up to 28 by the time of our wedding. I was only 10 stone when I met him. I started eating like him. He was a big takeaway person — takeaway would have been a big part of our social life.

“I loved cooking and I was cooking to impress, so the food was high in cream and sauces. Thomas loved it — he was always raving about what a great cook I was. I stood on the scales in 2008 after he proposed. I was 14 stone, 11lbs. I thought ‘I’m just designed to carry weight, I’m never going to lose it’.”

But, after their wedding three years ago, Karen and Thomas decided enough was enough. With the help of Motivation, they’ve since lost approximately 23 stone between them.

Research shows that one partner’s positive behavioural change can spur the other to improve too. Which is what the Tralee couple found.

“The two of us keep each other focused. If I say ‘God, I’d love a kebab’, he’ll say ‘Karen, you don’t need it’ and he’ll cook me a stir-fry. He’s a boredom eater so if he says ‘Oh, I’m bored — let’s go for a cream bun’, I say ‘Will you still be bored after the bun — let’s just go for a walk instead’.”

Crumlin-based hairdresser Gráinne Hughes, 40, married Michael, 44, a special needs assistant, 14 years ago. They’ve been a couple 23 years.

“We were skinny when we met. I was a size 10 or 12. He was a skinny little lathe, wearing 29-inch trousers.

“When I was single, I lived at home and Mammy was handing up the dinner with veg, meat and potato. When you’re a couple and you come in from work at 7pm, it’s easier to plug in the deep-fat fryer than to start peeling veg and potatoes. Convenience food is easier — curry and pizza. We ate more of that when we got together.

“When you’re single you’re a lot more conscious of your appearance and figure. You don’t have housework and ironing to do and you’re seeing him on a Wednesday and a Saturday so you have nothing to do but ponce around looking good.

Did they still find each other attractive after they gained the weight?

“You don’t have the energy when you’re heavy. You get lazy and complacent.

“About a year before my 40th, I decided this is it. I didn’t want to be fat and 40. I went to Weight Watchers. Michael started after me.

I’d lost four stone by then. He was just over 16 stone — now he’s down to 13 stone; I’m 11 stone 8lbs, down from nearly 18 stone.”

When, six years ago, Aoife McMullen, a 27-year-old teacher, got together with Colm O’Brien, also 27 and a computer applications student, she was a size 12 and he had a 32-inch waist. They moved in together four years ago and married this year.

“I went to size 16 or 18,” says Glasnevin-based Aoife. “He went up to a 36-inch waist. We were both working and busy. Eating healthily was not the most important thing. I come from a big family of seven. At home I was used to making portions for seven. I found it really hard to cut back and cook only for two. It’s not that we’d eat all the food but there was still more to eat. Colm doesn’t cook. It was up to me and you just become lazy. We were looking for quick, easy options and we chose unhealthy ones.

“You get really comfortable in a relationship. You’re not trying to find somebody to be with. You say, ‘What am I doing this [weight watching] for?’ Whereas you really should be doing it for yourself. I got sick of being the fat person. Everybody in my family is slim and I was the only fat one and I hated it and thought this has to change.

“I decided in January 2010. I went to Weight Watchers. Because I’m eating healthily, Colm is doing so too. I’m now a size 10. He’s still has a 36-inch waist. He goes up and down. Our attitudes to food were similar at the start of our relationship. Now they’re different — eating quality, non-processed, fresh food is very important to me.

“ It’s important to Colm because it’s what I buy but only because I do. If he’s out, he’d eat differently.”