The Skype generation
With about 192,000 people on the live register, Ireland’s unemployment rate is the sixth highest in the EU, and our emigration rates are staggering — in the last four years alone 300,000 people have left these shores in search of work abroad.
This may well be remembered as the Skype generation — one parent running the home, solo, while the other lives the ‘single life’, far away, keeping in contact through technology.
In January, 2012, Senan Quinlan left his wife, his three children, and his home to fly to Western Australia.
A self-employed civil engineer, who had battled to support his family since the recession began, he was left with little alternative, says his wife, Mary (45).
“He had a really tough 18 months before he left, and he was left with no option but to go.”
Senan was one of the lucky ones, Mary says.
“He had a very good job secured in Australia before he left. He was able to get a visa — in his 40s — and get a job that keeps us all going. But it was not a matter of choice.
“We felt we were really forced into it and, 18 months on, I’m still reeling from the shock that it had happened.
“You never think something like that could happen,” she says.
“I am so proud of him. I think he’s amazing to do this for us. He’s doing ok, but he’s lonely and he misses the family.”
Mary has seen her husband of 15 years once since he left — he came home in May and isn’t, she says, expected back to the family home, near Rossmore, Co Cork, until next October.
In the meantime, Mary, a full-time homemaker, holds the fort, along with the couple’s three children, Maeve (18), Liam (8), and Kate (11).
Managing without a second adult can make the simplest things difficult.
If Maeve needs to be collected from the cinema at 11pm, for example, Mary must pack Kate and brother, Liam, into the car for the journey.
“We all have to get into the car, because you can’t get a babysitter for that short amount of time and the young ones are still too small to leave alone,” Mary says.
This winter, she forgot to check the oil levels, so the boiler went wallop during very cold weather — and it took a while to find a plumber.
All of the children miss their dad, but Liam, who is autistic, really feels the loss of the household’s other male, Mary says.
“Senan Skypes twice a week, but you can forget to tell him things — the kids’ school reports came several days before he was due to Skype, and after he was gone we realised we had forgotten to tell him how good they were. A huge amount can slip through the cracks.”
Mary’s also lucky in that she has supportive siblings who live nearby.
“But, to an extent, you’re still very much on your own when you close the front door. Everything is down to you,” Mary says.
Mother-of-two Sinead Burton (39) has a full-time job as a community employment supervisor in Clonakilty, Co Cork.
Her husband, Neville, a quantity surveyor, spends most of the week in London, commuting at weekends from his job.
The couple returned to Ireland five years ago from London, with the plan that Neville would initially commute to work in London, but eventually find a good job here — but things didn’t work out like that.
“We moved back in June, 2008, just as the recession kicked in.
“The intention was that Neville would commute for a year or so, and then get a job in Ireland.
“He was in touch with recruitment consultants here, in 2007 and 2008, and they were all promises.”
However, he took his time, she says — which was lucky.
“He postponed leaving his job in London. He’d be unemployed, now, if he’d taken a job in Ireland when we moved, because the building industry collapsed.
“We have the travel costs, both over and back to Ireland and within London, and his rent, so there’s a kind of double whammy as regards lifestyle costs/property sector.”
Sinead is very much the hands-on parent with son, Jack (7) and daughter, Kate (5).
“I’m working five days a week. The children attend local primary schools, so I drop them in the morning and I have a child-minder, who collects them from school, brings them home, and stays with them ’til I get in.”
With her husband away much of the time, Sinead not only tackles all the housework, but also does other chores, like cutting the grass and bleeding the boiler.
“I manage quite well. I get things done and I stay on top of the jobs, because I know that if they pile up I’ll get stressed,” she says.
“Neville’s brilliant about all the travelling — he never complains about the delays and cancellations, he just gets on with it.”
The past five years have not been without some strain.
“In the early days, we’d have these debates about who was the most tired.
“I think we’ve now got to the point where we respect the fact that both of us work extremely hard and do our best, and there is a mutual regard for what each of us does.”
“We’re extremely lucky and both of us know it. We’re both working, although it can be hard-going and it’s not ideal — but we’re content.”
Home-alone dad Eric Dineen’s wife, Nellie, works with Concern Worldwide as a development specialist. Nellie is also on an expert panel and can be sent to any Concern base around the world, at short notice.
She is away for periods of up to six months, but usually makes it home every three months.
In the meantime, Eric (59), looks after Aisling (14) and Conor (10), while holding down a part-time job in a local garden centre.
“Nellie is currently in Chad and, before that, had just returned from the Democratic Republic of Congo, where she was working on a water aid, sanitation and health programme,” Eric says.
He’s used to it. Nellie’s been doing this sort of work since the early ’90s, and has worked with Trocaire and the Irish Red Cross, as well as Concern.
“Skype has revolutionised everything. Now, Nellie can call us every night on Skype — in the early days, there weren’t even mobile phones. It was all via letter.”
Having a part-time job close to his home, in the West Cork town of Clonakilty, gives him crucial flexibility.
“The kids are very good, very capable and very helpful. They’re quite used to Nellie being away.
“I do the brekkie and the lunches and get the kids to school and go to work, and then there’s the homework and cooking the evening meal.
“I do a lot of stir fries with basmati rice, which are very nutritious, with lots of vegetables, and they’re all done in one pan.
“The kids also eat a lot of fruit, so I’m not too concerned about their diet — they eat simply, but well, although they really love it when Nellie comes home and they get real Irish-mammy-style dinners, like roast chicken and potatoes.
“We have a big, extended family network here in Clonakilty — the children have a bevy of aunts they can call on.
“They’re very close to their grandparents and my sister takes them for a week every summer — she lives in Wicklow.
“I try to keep life as simple as possible — it’s about keeping all the balls in the air and everything in balance.
“But you couldn’t do it without very flexible, cooperative kids, very dependable grandparents, and a lot of loving aunties.”
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
