Yes, mum is the right person to tell daughter about facts of life

Q. My daughter is ten years old and I feel it’s time I told her about the facts of life.

I remember the first conversation I had with my mother about sex and it was awkward and stilted. The subject was never brought up again. How should I best approach this topic with my child? I’d like it to be the start of an ongoing conversation. Also, are there any books/websites you would recommend?

A. Each parent must find their own way to talk about the facts of life with their child. Sometimes this can leave young people feeling embarrassed. If they pick up an attitude that sex is something shameful, then young people often get information from peers and the internet that can be wrong or unclear.

I hope you were able to give her age-appropriate information as she asked questions from an early age. Very young children are naturally curious about where babies come from, particularly when they see a pregnant woman. They need the truth but not an overload and in language that is suitable to their age.

It is always helpful to use the proper names for body parts. Girls and boys are aware that men and women are different. As long as they learn about their bodies in a home where there is openness but respect they will come to the next stage with little difficulty.

No doubt, your daughter will have learned about touch through the love and care she has received over the years. In the context of the family, it is essential children learn about touch that is loving and normal. And all children need to be aware about touch that is inappropriate and if anything happens it is safe to talk to their parents.

At 10 she is reaching puberty and she will be beginning to experience changes in her body as she grows and starts moving from childhood to adulthood. It sounds as if you are unsure about how to approach it. You can’t wait until she asks questions, which might never happen. You need to keep things simple and to be honest and open. She may be already noticing change in herself and, if not, some girls in her class may be developing faster — body changes that includes the development of breasts, start growing pubic hair as well as underarm hair.

Also, she needs to know about periods and what will happen so that when she gets her first period she won’t be frightened. And she needs to know about the changes that occur in boys’ bodies. You are the best person to give her the information. Talk about feelings and thoughts.

It is a good time to talk about exercise, diet and hygiene which highlights that we must care for our bodies.

A good website is crisispregnancyprogramme.ie. where you can download Busy Bodies, a book about puberty for you and your parents. Another website is: kidshealth.org. A good book on the topic is, Let’s Talk About Sex by Robbie Harris.

* Marie Daly is a Psychosexual Therapist with Mind and Body Works.