Third Age: Happy ever after with ourselves
Defining happiness is difficult, because it can mean different things to different people, but most will agree they could do with a little more happiness in their lives.
Dr Conor Farren, a consultant psychiatrist in St Patrick’s Hospital, and author of The U-Turn: A Guide to Happiness, says the key to happiness is self-esteem.
“If we like ourselves, then happiness is almost guaranteed. To reach this state of contentment, we first need to truly understand who we are as individuals. If there is a close connection between the person we wish to be and who we actually are, then our self-esteem is enhanced and we become happy.
“If there is a mismatch between who we want to be and who we are, then our self-esteem takes a nose-dive and happiness eludes us,’’ he says.
To understand ourselves and our emotions, Dr Farren suggests you draw up a list of things you like and don’t like about yourself.
“It is such an easy question to say, but it is not easy to write down why. We all have our quirks and hang-ups. But by writing it down, it forces you really to think,’’ he says.
Dr Farren cites, as an example of self-understanding, Bob Geldof’s statement in his autobiography, Is that it?, that every night before he goes to bed he “vigorously’’ analyses his day.
“This is his way of coping. What can I learn from today? Did I do that right? Who did I offend? Was I honest with myself? Geldof says that this has been a really important part of his psychological self-management,’’ he says.
Once we understand ourselves better, Dr Farren says we can deal with negative feelings that make us unhappy and upset. He uses the ‘feel, think and act’ method to bring about positive changes in our lives.
At the end of every chapter of Dr Farren’s book are exercises that encourage self-understanding, and, once implemented, will achieve the goal of a happier and rewarding life.
“The key to improving our happiness is through self-understanding. It is not enough to say ‘I feel this’. You have to understand the various factors that cause these emotions and you have to use this self-knowledge.
“It is imperative that you act, find a resolution, so that you can get out of that period of misery and prevent it from happening again,’’ he says.
Dr Farren says that regular exercise and deep relaxation techniques, such as meditation or yoga, will also ensure you lead a happier life, by increasing endorphins and decreasing stress.
If the feelings of unhappiness and depression do not go away, then Dr Farren says it might be necessary to consult a medical professional.
Dr Farren says that it is never too late to make your life happier. Although life will never be perfect, he says the ‘feel, think, act’ method will enable everyone to get through, and survive, difficult times.
“Happiness is more than the absence of anxiety and depression. It is a positive, forward-looking and contented way of being. People say that happiness is a journey and not a destination, but happiness can be achieved by everyone on a day-to-day basis,” he says.
“We all have the capacity for happiness, because we all have the capacity for change. There is no one journey to happiness. It is a personal journey and we all have to plot it individually.’’
* The U-Turn: A Guide to Happiness, by Dr Conor Farren, published by Orpen Press, € 16.99
