Going public with dad’s depression
TWENTY five years ago, as Loyola McGinnity exchanged her wedding vows with her husband Peter, she thought her life was perfect. Unfortunately, within weeks her dreams were shattered, Peter’s depression would overshadow everything.
“I hadn’t got a clue. Looking back I can see the warning signs, he was very quiet,’’ she says. “But I just thought life was going to be great, everything looked fantastic. There was no reason to think things would be so different. Our wedding day on June 20th was so beautiful.’’
However within days of their return from honeymoon, Peter, now 55, a teacher from Dundalk, had an “episode’’ and “blew-up”. Initially Loyola, now 51, thought she had done something to upset him, but was to later learn his behaviour was due to his illness.
Peter’s depression has also affected the lives of their four children. His eldest son Conor, 22, says he always knew there was something wrong with his dad, that he did not behave or think like other fathers.
“There have definitely been times when you would be afraid to walk into a room. Or if he came into the room, you would have to get up and leave,’’ Conor recalls.
“There are days when you know he is not in a good mood and you would feel nervous. Something small could trigger it. If something hadn’t gone his way at work. He wouldn’t talk about it, and every little thing would add to it.
“If it was raining, if he couldn’t get outside, those thing would build and build until you can see it, that he is about to blow.’’
When Conor was 15, and about to start his Junior Cert his father had a mental-breakdown and was admitted to hospital. When the family visited Peter, his youngest son, Seán was only nine, and got physically sick at the sight of him, so weak and unwell.
“That was a very sad time, a very lonely time. I didn’t know what was going to happen,’’ says Loyola, a former home economics teacher. “My husband had broken down, was he going to get put back together again?
“Nobody thought to tell me anything. It was heart-breaking and we were very much left on our own to deal with it.’’
In May 2011 — on Seán’s 15th birthday — Peter had another episode which was so terrifying that one of his daughters had a panic attack, and could not breathe.
“Peter then went missing,” says Loyola. “It was just a nightmare and I think it was a turning point for us as a family. I think for so long I had been able to shield the children but this time we all got it. I will do anything to try and prevent that from happening again.’’
Determined to show exactly how his family have coped with and survived his father’s depression, last September Conor, a multi-media student, interviewed them for a radio documentary for RTÉ.
“When I heard it I just cried my eyes out,’’ recalls Loyola. “It is heartbreaking to listen to 36 minutes of what has sadly been our lives.
“But it is very important to me not to be a victim, not to feel that life is a disaster. Yes, this illness has had an enormous effect on each of us as a family, but you can’t let it define you.’’
Loyola hopes this interview and Conor’s documentary will help break down the stigma of mental illness and persuade people to talk about it.
“It is absolutely tragic that not only does the person go through hell, that the whole family goes through hell, but that they should feel ashamed is disgusting. It is just not acceptable, this is 2012 for goodness sake.’’
¦ My Dad’s Depression won the gold award in the World’s Best Radio Programme category at the New York Festivals this week.
