Sex File: I'm struggling to keep pace with his sex drive 

If, over time, you had accepted his loss of libido, now you are suddenly having to adapt to a completely different situation. Prior to him getting tested, you couldn't have known why he stopped wanting sex and that must have had an emotional impact on you. Even when you know you are loved, not feeling desired has a negative effect on self-esteem.

My husband used to have zero interest in sex, which I had slowly got used to. Then recently he took a testosterone test and found out he was low. 

Since he has begun having testosterone replacement therapy, his sex drive has come roaring back, but I am now finding it a bit much. We are in our late 50s. How do we find a happy medium?

Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) is generally prescribed when men present with a cluster of symptoms including low libido and erectile dysfunction, as well as other symptoms such as fatigue, reduced strength, loss of motivation, irritability, depression and sleep disturbances. However, after feeling low in every sense for such a long time, the dramatic improvement he has experienced in his libido and sexual function must be having a hugely positive impact on his wellbeing and self-esteem.

For you, on the other hand, it may all be a bit confusing. If, over time, you had accepted his loss of libido, now you are suddenly having to adapt to a completely different situation. Prior to him getting tested, you couldn't have known why he stopped wanting sex and that must have had an emotional impact on you. Even when you know you are loved, not feeling desired has a negative effect on self-esteem.

This doesn't seem to be something that the two of you have talked about and it would be a very good idea to let him know how you feel. Right now, he is understandably excited about his restored libido, but you need to be equally happy about it too. If you can get these concerns out in the open, I think you will feel more positive and come to realise that this is a good thing. It confirms that your husband remains deeply sexually attracted to you and if you can lean in, having more sex will only strengthen your sexual and emotional connection.

A marked increase in sexual frequency does mean that you need to take care of your own sexual health. To avoid friction and irritation, use plenty of lubricant - there are an increasing number of very effective all-natural products on the market. The Yes (yesyesyes.org) brand has a longstanding reputation for high-quality products that don't contain parabens, glycerin or fragrance. A more recent addition to its range is the clitoral stimulant, which includes organic rose, clove and peppermint oils to increase sensation.

It is very common for women to experience a drop in libido after menopause and if you are worried about a decline in your own sex drive, make an appointment to talk to your GP. If you are otherwise well, happy and satisfied with your sexual function, you probably don't need to do anything because the treatment your husband is having is designed to restore his testosterone levels to a normal physiological range.

He is obviously experiencing a peak at the moment. However, research shows that effects on libido generally appear after about three weeks of treatment but then plateau after about six weeks. As such, my advice would be to recognise that this is a temporary phenomenon - and make the most of it while it lasts.

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