Sex File: Should I settle for a man who does not want to experiment in bed? 

"It isn't fair to compare a new sexual relationship to one that had years to mature. A sexual relationship with someone you have only just met is unlikely to make you feel the same way as you did in a marriage that lasted more than a decade."

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I've been divorced for several years and finally met a great new man but he's reluctant to experiment sexually. I've always had a high libido and been quite adventurous in bed, and although my ex and I had many problems, our sex life wasn't one. This new man improves my life in so many other ways - do I have to settle for vanilla to stay with him?

Sexual compatibility is hard to define but it is generally interpreted as how well a couple's beliefs, needs and desires around sexual activities combine. It's not something most couples think too hard about at the beginning of a relationship because the chemistry is often so strong that compatibility is automatic. From a research perspective, sexual compatibility is one of five core elements that contribute to sexual wellbeing. The others are: sexual satisfaction, physical intimacy, emotional closeness during sex and sexual function. While sexual compatibility is important, in isolation it is not enough to sustain a relationship - and since you and your ex-husband are divorced, even a great sex life doesn't seem to have been sufficient for you either.