Ask Richard Hogan: My daughter told me she worries she 'won't be able to be an adult'

Stop tidying her room. Leave it get messy to point where she has to tidy it herself. She isn’t tidy because she has never had to be. 
Ask Richard Hogan: My daughter told me she worries she 'won't be able to be an adult'

I am at a loss with my teenage daughter 

Richard, I need your help. I’m very worried about my teenage daughter. She is in Leaving Certificate but won’t lift a finger. I am very concerned she is going to fail. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and this has devastated her. She was always a confident girl but now she doesn’t want to come out of her room. She can be difficult, her room is just beyond messy. Every time I clean it, it’s worse again the next day. She never does anything around the house, and she has always had a bit of an attitude. My husband avoids getting into conflict with her. She had a fight with her sister last night and called her some terrible things, like ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’. Which really hurt her sister. I just don’t know what to do. She has no direction, and told me that she worries she won’t be able to be an adult. Just this morning, she told me she didn’t want me bringing her breakfast in bed anymore. My mother was never there for us growing up, and I want to be a mother that is there for my children. But I worry I’m doing all the wrong things. I know I can be too involved in her life, she has told me this but I’m really at a loss. What do I do? - Concerned mum 

When we have children, we can attempt to rectify some of the negative experiences we had growing up. However, there is often a paradox in this type of parenting approach; the thing we attempt to fix is the very thing we bring into life in our relationship with our own children. 

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