Sex File: Why is my fiance more like a friend than a lover? 

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I love my partner, now fiance, of four years dearly, but even thinking about having the kind of sex we used to have together feels . . . wrong. We can go weeks, sometimes longer, without having it at all. Should the passion have disappeared already?

Sex ebbs and flows in any relationship, but sexual frequency is primarily correlated with the length of your relationship. A couple in their 60s who have been together for six months will generally be having more sex than a couple in their 30s who have been together for six years. Comparing the relationship you have now with the relationship you had four years ago is not helpful because in the early stages of a new relationship couples experience such strong and spontaneous sexual urges that no one needs to initiate.