Sex File: I want better sex. How do I tell him? 

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I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve become more confident with age, or that I didn’t think about what I really wanted in bed when I was younger, but I want to be clearer with my husband about what turns me on. I don’t want him to feel that he’s been doing it wrong all this time.

I bet sex is not the only aspect of your life that has changed in the past 20 years. You may have experienced pregnancy, childbirth and parenting — and possibly grief, job changes and losses along the way. You may be back to an empty nest by now, or close to it. Big life-changes change you too, so it is not surprising that what you want at 45 is different from what you wanted at 25. Sex is no exception.