Money Talks: My husband earns more than me and makes all of the big financial plans

Income inequality is commonplace and can cause complex issues for couples

Thu, 25 Mar, 2021 - 07:05

Carol Brick

Q. My husband earns more money than me and I feel left out of the financial planning in our relationship. Because I don’t bring in as much money, I find myself feeling guilty when I buy something for myself, and my husband makes all of the big decisions when it comes to planning for the future. How do I start a conversation with him about me taking a more equal role when it comes to planning our spending and our saving?

A. Many studies show that money is one of life’s significant personal stressors. It is also well known that money problems contribute hugely to relationship conflict. It is wonderful that you want to find a solution to the issues that you and your husband are experiencing.

Financial issues vary but income inequality (where one partner earns more income) is very commonplace and can cause complex issues for both parties.

Often, the spouse who earns the lesser amount can identify with feelings of inadequacy, discontent, unworthiness and in some cases can even be the cause of mental health problems.

The most important thing to remember is that financial inequality can cause significant strain on a relationship if not dealt with.

You are teammates in life

I would suggest that you first open the lines of communication with your husband. As teammates in life, you should be equal in financial planning.

Set some time aside, sit down and share your concerns with your husband and highlight how you think the situation can be improved. It is important to be very honest and transparent during this conversation.

This is your opportunity to discuss things like being included more in the financials of your relationship, maybe having the same amount of spending money or your partner curbing unnecessary spending.

Then talk about putting together a joint financial plan covering the most important essential elements like creating a household budget, savings goals, pension planning, protection and everything in between!

Once you are on the same page, it might be a good idea to meet with a good independent financial advisor at this point to help you identify the best solutions here.

Start at the beginning

I suggest beginning with the household budget. Examine your monthly income and expenses and what excess is left over – then determine how this excess should be utilised! A strong budgeting system will clear up where exactly your money is going and each person will have complete transparency re same.

Agree on the basic financial principals of your family, like should you have joint or separate bank accounts? If they are to be separate, question whether contributions to household bills like mortgage and electricity be equal?

Discuss who pays for the family treats like nice dinners out and family holidays. Agreeing on these principals from the outset will ensure that both partners feel in control of their finances and help to maintain a healthy financial partnership with neither partner feeling like they are inferior regardless of who earns more!

Seek help if needed

The broader financial plan for a couple will vary depending on their age, earnings, the number of dependents etc – so areas like savings, pension planning and protection will need to be carefully tailored for them. Working with an independent financial advisor would be a good idea here!

The final plan should be reviewed regularly to keep the lines of communication open and this way both partners can express any particular concerns they may have and then the plan can be tweaked accordingly.

Don’t forget to work in the odd reward to the plan when successful milestones are reached by maybe engaging in a shared treat or a family activity and this will help to build an even healthier and successful financial relationship in the long term.