Learner Dad: He started crying, big tears, and told the class that his Daddy doesn’t love him

Picture: iStock 

I’m on lunch-making duty now that the kids are back at school. It’s a tricky business because our two like different things for lunch. The problem is our six-year-old son. It’s not that he won’t eat anything we give him. It’s more that he only likes three kinds of packed lunch, and if you deviate even slightly, there is hell to pay.

His favourite lunch is chorizo wraps, along with two crackers and an easy-peeler orange. That’s my favourite too because wraps take about 10 seconds to make and you don’t have to melt some butter in the microwave to make it spreadable for bread. (Soft butter in the mornings is a sign that summer isn’t far away – we’re not there yet, or anywhere near it.)

Anyway, we had a problem last week because the kind of chorizo slices he likes aren’t in Aldi any more . (I blame Brexit.) We tried to sneak in some mild pepperoni instead and he pretty much said he’d be contacting his solicitor if we tried to pull that on him again. Anyway, I found chorizo slices in SuperValu, so they went into his wraps this morning. I tried to get him to taste a bit before sending them off, but he’s not that helpful in the mornings - it runs in the family. 

He’s off up at school now with different chorizo in his wraps. There isn’t much taste difference between th em as far as I can see, but the SuperValu one is a touch redder. That’s a worry. My son eats with his eyes. I’m hoping that he’ll put the wrap in his mouth without looking and with any luck he might be distracted by someone at his table acting the clown, so he doesn’t notice that the chorizo taste has changed. If he does and takes a look inside, then we could be in trouble.

You might be thinking now, cop yourself on and stop over-thinking this. But there are two problems with that. The first one is that he’ll just down tools and refuse to eat the wraps if he spots the difference. (He’s not the type to remove the meat and eat the wrap anyway – his view would be that the new chorizo is poison and contaminates everything it touches.) If this refusal happens, he’ll be like a serpent with the hunger when he comes out of school. That doesn't work for anyone.

The second problem goes deeper. When I went to pick him from pre-school about three years ago, his teacher pulled me aside for a little word. I’d given him cooked chicken instead of processed chicken slices for lunch on the day in question. When he discovered this he started crying, big pond-size tears, and told the class that his Daddy doesn’t love him. I laughed it off with the teacher because she’d probably seen enough Fitzpatrick s crying for one day. But I was devastated.

OK, it’s a pain that he’s a bit fussy and doesn’t like change. But then so am I – he didn’t exactly pick it up off the ground. And while it’s a chore making lunch every day, it’s also a little message that you send up to school with your kids. Giving them what they like is a little ‘I love you’ message that pops out when they open their lunchbox. It says that I’m listening to you, that I care how you feel.

Giving them what they don’t like (even if it’s super healthy) is seen as a cold shoulder . So I hope he doesn’t come home with the news that I mustn’t love him because I tried a sly switch on his chorizo. That will be double trouble because his Mom is picking him from school today and she’ll get the brunt of his hunger-anger and she won’t be happy that she is picking up the tab for my chorizo slyness, and she might have a point. So here’s hoping. 

If he won’t go for the SuperValu chorizo, then I’m back to melting butter for his bread in the microwave. I hate that.