Beckham drama exposes the Irish Mammy's biggest fear — future daughters-in-law

A 2013 picture of Victoria Beckham with her son, Brooklyn. Picture: Ian West/PA Wire

“I do not want to reconcile with my family.”

As a mother, reading that, my gut reaction was, “The little pup!”

All we do for them, sacrifice for them, worry about them, and then along comes a pair of fluttering eyelashes and all of a sudden he’s denouncing you and his father and his siblings and your very way of life?

But I’m projecting. As a mother of three sons, there is that niggling fear at the back of my mind. What if they meet a partner that you don’t like? Or worse still, whisper it... who doesn’t like you?

That primal fear that your beloved child, the one you would literally DIE FOR, might fall in love with someone whose values are… adjacent to yours. Yikers.

Can they just decide never speak to you again? But they lived inside you! You literally manufactured them, and now they're cutting you out because of a table plan?! I don’t think so, young man. Get up them stairs before I find the wooden spoon.

But hey, we’re not all the Beckhams. I’m sure Brooklyn has his very valid reasons. It sounds like he’s been dealing with a lot. It must have been really harrowing for him to post that on social media. It was fairly raw, and exposing and brutal. And I’m sure okayed by a team of publicists.

Mia Regan, Romeo Beckham, Cruz Beckham, Harper Beckham, David Beckham, Victoria Beckham, Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz at the premiere of Netflix's documentary series Beckham. Picture: Ian West/PA Wire

But I’m not worried about the Beckhams, they’re all probably already in a bidding war for the six-part tell-all.

No, this is a cautionary tale for all us norms out there too. This, my friends, is about parental terror.

This whole thing exposes the Irish Mammy’s biggest fear: My son is going to grow up and love someone more than me!!!!

Do you know the part of Brooklyn’s statement that really chilled me to the bone?

Not the allegations of control, abuse, lies, and manipulation. Not the name-calling and legal requests.

It was the bit about Victoria.

“My mum hijacked my first dance with my wife, which had been planned weeks in advance to a romantic love song...She danced very inappropriately on me in front of everyone.”

I mean, Jesus Christ! If my sons ever find out it’s legit to disown a mother for dodgy dancing, I am done for. Baby Got Back is my party piece.

Brooklyn and Nicola at their wedding. Picture: Brooklyn Beckham/Instagram/Vogue

This whole sad debacle is a good reminder that privacy matters, though. Really, if we all start airing our dirty laundry via Instagram Stories, civilisation itself will collapse, and one of my greedier aunts will have to leave the country.

But children are not brands, they have a right to privacy. Equally, newsflash, parents are not flawless. And you know, sometimes one of those parents may need to mine their family life to make up her word count for a column. Cough.

So sue me. No, actually, please don’t. I can’t afford it.

It does highlight the fact that power and money can corrupt the most well-meaning groups - even families.

So you are welcome, my sons, for not having enough money to make it worth having a proper fallout. Also, I only have 17 followers on Instagram. I did it for ye, you know.

David Beckham (left), Victoria Beckham and Brooklyn Beckham in 2019. Picture: Matt Crossick/PA Wire

I’m also a bit peed off because now I have something else to add to my ever-growing list of worries.

Before Brooklyn very publicly requested his family never contact him again, my biggest parenting concerns were vaping, screen time, apps that can make people nude, and finding matching socks.

Now I gotta worry about future daughters-in-law with a ring light and a publicist? Goddammit.

But maybe all families are just one dirty dance away from civil war. 

I’ll tell you one thing though, when the time comes for one of my precious sons to tie the knot, I won’t be offering to make the wedding dress. I’ll be in charge of buying her a nice pair of earrings.

Look, I know it’s normal and healthy for sons to fly the nest and go make a family of their own. The housing crisis notwithstanding, I’m ok with them departing. And I promise to never try to ruin any relationship. In fact, it might be nice to have another woman in the mix. I’m surrounded by balls all day, every day. (Sliotars, basketballs, footballs - I know where your mind went.)

I want independence and freedom and spreading of wings for my little chickies. Really. Let someone else show them the proper way to fill the dishwasher. (RINSE the bowls first, it’s not rocket science!)

Part of parenting is loving someone enough to let them leave. But I always say to them, no matter what happens, no matter where they are, they can always come home to me.

I hope Brooklyn was told the same.