Esther McCarthy: The men of golf are not so 'gentle', really

Rory McIlroy of Europe celebrates with his wife Erica Stoll McIlroy on day three of the 2025 Ryder Cup at Black Course at Bethpage State Park Golf Course in Farmingdale, New York, USA. Photo by Vaughn Ridley/Sportsfile

“Ooh, the gentleman’s sport!” said my cousin, impressed. It was our middle guy’s birthday, and I was explaining how he’s gone mad into golf.

All the presents were golf-themed: a practice putting green, a second-hand set of clubs we’d tracked down, a golf glove and tees from his brothers, and a trip to the driving range planned for the day itself.

That was a few days before the Ryder Cup. And what in the Jerry Springer happened there?

Ha! The gentleman’s sport indeed. Fans were shouting abuse, chanting: “Fuck you, Rory”, and someone even threw a beer at his wife?!

All they were short was Happy Gilmore wrestling a crocodile and piddling in the bushes. It was the most bizarre, boorish behaviour.

And here was I, delighted that my son is getting into the game, oh, but then along here come the Americans to show us they can de-class even the most demure of sports. The absolute fecking CHEEK of them.

Poor Erica. There she is, watching her darling play in a massively high-pressure tournament, him being watched by the world, probably thinking: ‘I hope he’s wearing his comfy undies’, and ‘his stomach was playing up a bit last night’. 

You know, the usual things only a partner would know, and be fretting over, and on top of that, she has to deal with clowns?

By all reports, the bozos were rich, middle-aged white American men, with nothing better to do than harass and physically intimidate a player’s wife.

Shane Lowry said in a press conference afterwards: “I was out there for two days with Erica McIlroy, and the amount of abuse that she received was astonishing and the way she was out there supporting her husband and supporting her team was unbelievable, and kudos to her for that.”

Erica Stoll, wife of Rory McIlroy watching the afternoon fourball matches on day two of the Ryder Cup at the Bethpage Black Course, Farmingdale, New York. Picture date: Saturday September 27, 2025. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Mike Egerton/PA Wire.

Kudos, yes — but why the hell should she have to put up with it in the first place? And can someone please tell me, when did it become acceptable to target someone’s partner at a sporting event?

Listen, I’m old enough to remember the outrageous chants David Beckham had to endure about Victoria.

But at least in soccer, or most other sports, there’s some distance — a whole stadium between players and fans. In golf, they’re right there beside you, practically breathing down your neck.

If you shank a shot, you might find yourself standing among the same people who’ve been heckling you, deliberately trying to wreck your concentration.

It makes a mockery of the etiquette the sport prides itself on.

And it’s not just Europeans calling it out, to be fair. Plenty of American fans were appalled too.

Five-time Open winner Tom Watson even said sorry on behalf of his countrymen: “I’d like to apologise for the rude and
mean-spirited behaviour from our American crowd at Bethpage. As a former player, captain, and as an American, I am ashamed of what happened.”

So what’s going on? I can’t help wondering if some of the nastier habits of online life are spilling offline. And could it have anything to do with the fact that Trump plays golf? I’m just joining the dots here. It seems everyone and everything is fair game. No filter, no thought, no decency — yerra, just say whatever comes into your head.

The same way keyboard worriers (I refuse to use the term “warrior” — far too noble) think it’s their right to abuse strangers online under the banner of “free speech”.

Are we creating a society where anything goes — even in golf?

And it wasn’t just drunken eejits. Even the MC, Heather McMahan — a paid professional for the competition — joined in, leading and encouraging derogatory chants about Rory.

Like… huh? On what planet did she think that was acceptable? Yes, she’s since apologised and stepped down, big whoop, the real question is — what kind of culture gave her the confidence to behave that way in the first place?

Rory himself managed it with dignity, but you could see it had taken its toll.

“We tried to handle everything that came our way with class and poise and, for the most part, I felt like we did that.”

Yes, you did, Rory. You did us proud. And Shane Lowry’s putt to retain the cup was the sweet cherry on top of the proud pie.

Some people think golf stands for “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden” (another column for another day, says I). 

In fact, the word probably comes from the Middle Dutch via Scotland, from kolf or kolve, meaning club or bat. But after the carry-on at this year’s Ryder Cup, maybe we should update it.

From now on, let’s make it: Gentlepeople Only, Langers Forbidden. In Cork, anyway.

And if anyone heckles my precious baby when he inevitably ends up playing the big competitions in a few years, so help me I’ll kill you all.