Dear Dáithí: How can I break out of this post-summer malaise?

Meanwhile, I’m here in my post-summer daze, staring at a mountain of laundry and wondering if it’s too early to go back to bed. The truth is, I’m wrecked.

Everywhere I bloody turn this month, I’m being told to “start fresh”, sort the house, start a diet, set new goals, join a gym, declutter the fecking attic. 

My two best friends are signing up for a language class, and my sister has got into meal prepping, she keeps putting them on our family WhatsApp group like she’s auditioning for a cooking show.

Meanwhile, I’m here in my post-summer daze, staring at a mountain of laundry and wondering if it’s too early to go back to bed. The truth is, I’m wrecked.

Summer was a blur of kids, visitors, day trips, and constant noise. I had the summer off work and thought I’d feel energised once the new school term began, but instead I feel… empty. 

And I’m not sleeping. I wake up at 3am every night, mind racing. My mother mentioned it might be the menopause, but I’m too young (I’m not telling you my age, Dáithí!). 

And then comes the guilt. Everyone else seems to be brimming with motivation and I can’t even face clearing out the junk drawer.

How do I shake off this exhaustion and find motivation? My husband is just doing his usual thing of burying his head in the sand when I try to explain this to him. I hate the feeling like I’m falling behind everyone.

There is nothing worse in this world than when someone is telling you what to do, and phrases like “start fresh” is some kind of Americanism that has made its way into Irish life and all it does is pour fuel onto the fire. 

It sounds like your fire is well alight and doesn’t need it, but is getting that fuel anyway.

A big part of this jigsaw is that you’re wrecked, and when you’re tired like this, every little thing will piss you off. 

We have all been there, and it can be so frustrating, especially when you see others drawing stuff on themselves like language classes and that is all fine, that is their lives and not yours.

All these outside pressures are totally out of your control, so you have to let them go. 

What others are doing is none of your business; the reality is that they might be as swamped as you, but don’t say anything, either way it’s nothing to do with you.

One reason why you are wrecked is that you are not sleeping. I remember being like this and saying to myself that I had to do something about it, and here is what I did. 

I’d wake at three or four in the morning with my mind racing. I compared it to the lotto ball machine in full flight when all the balls were in the air, all you could see was a blast of colours flying around the drum.

The thing was, each ball was a problem, an issue or something that needed to be fixed or done.

So, what I did was I took the power out of the drum and slowed down until I saw what was written on the ball — ie write down all the things that were to be done, I took control. 

I found that this really helped and took the mad spinning away, and my mind settled, and I slept better.

So, make a list, even if you must write something into it in the middle of the night, I’ve done that too.

It does sounds like the summer was like a runaway train and for what should have been a nice time it was filled with madness and no time off at all. 

It’s no wonder you feel empty, that’s because you have nothing left in the tank, you have spent the summer making sure that everyone else was taken care of and now everyone else is ready for road and you’re pulled up on the hard should.

On top of this, your mother thinks you might be menopausal, not an easy thing to hear. 

I know you don’t want to tell me your age, but you should check in with your doctor in case you’re lacking in vitamins or something like that; it might be adding to your tiredness, too.

Your husband has let you do too much; now that might only be half his fault.

You both seem to have two very different approaches to this last summer. I think you should take a leaf out of his book and be more laid back about all having the place full of kids and day visits and so on. 

I think we squeeze in too much when it comes to our children, and we’re always thinking of things to do with them in case they get bored.

This is nonsense, all this does is tire all us parents out. So, then we come to the end of summer and we’re out of gas.

Now you’re at the point where you’re explaining this to your husband, and he is like, “I saw this coming and sidestepped the whole thing” — so next year you need to, not should, you need to do the same. 

And forget about this guilty feeling, challenge this to see if it’s real. When you realise it’s based on nothing, move on!

Don’t bother explaining this again to your husband. Change direction with this, and you need to go away on a few weekends away with him and with other friends too. 

Once you get the sleep under control, you will need that break you didn’t get over the summer, and by doing this, you will feel better and will have more energy. 

Just because you feel like you’re behind everyone else doesn’t mean you actually are, but I know what you’re saying.

I would start planning for next summer now and have this conversation with your husband, and tell him that you’re not going to get caught like you were this year.

Plan that summer holiday now with the family, and set times for visitors and tell them they can’t stay all day. You set the rules and take control of this.

Don’t feel guilty about this, other parents will actually love this. I certainly would. Whatever about decluttering the attic, declutter your mind first.

I know I did start this with “there is nothing worse in this world than when someone starts telling you what to do”, but you did ask!