Séamas O'Reilly: Cosmic Governmental overspends from recent Irish history

I asked friends, acquaintances — and finally the entire internet — to furnish me with as many cosmic overspends as they could remember from recent Irish history — welcome to the mouth of madness

Séamas O'Reilly: "You might say my initial estimates for the time and labour it would take to put this list together ballooned beyond my expectations. I’m shocked by this, personally, but can only say that mistakes were made. I will learn from them. This will not happen again."

This week, the Government made us all experts in building manufacture. This was a surprise to me, personally, since I am no great loss to the construction trade. 

My house is a grisly graveyard of wardrobes dragged screaming from flat packs, crucified into place like medieval apostates, a warning to planks everywhere that they are not safe within my home; shelves that undulate like marble runs, projecting nails at torture angles, kept in place now only as a testament to my hubris.

Or, perhaps, a solemn message to history that this should never be allowed happen again.

And yet, my many sins against construction have now been washed clean by the Government, whose Leinster House bike shelter has rendered me a position of authority on all things building-related.

For those living under a cantilevered rock, the facts are these: The Office of Public Works (OPW) erected a shelter for 36 bicycles outside Leinster House, at a cost of €336,000 (€9.3k/bike).

Sitting here in my home, gazing out at my own pitiful adventures in construction, I feel content.

I may have cuts on my arms and books dropping on my head more regularly than I’d like, but none of my hard work cost anything close to a third of €1m. 

The eye-watering sum was quickly denounced in all corners, with even the Taoiseach saying he was shocked. 

I thought I was shocked too, until I realised that the feeling I was experiencing wasn’t quite shock at all. 

How many times, I wondered, have I seen Government ministers decrying the ballooning cost of a public project, only to say that mistakes were made, that we’ve all learned a lesson, and it will never happen again? 

How shocked can we really be, after all, by something that happens with such staggering frequency?

On Wednesday, I decided I’d try get to the bottom of this and began asking friends, acquaintances — and finally the entire internet — to furnish me with as many cosmic overspends as they could remember from recent Irish history.

I cannot claim the below list is exhaustive. I can, however, confirm that researching it did send me slightly insane, and you are now welcome to join me in the mouth of madness.

The Dáil shop

Perhaps it is fitting to begin with another adventure in Leinster House lawn architecture, An Siopa, a small shop that was opened by Bertie Ahern in January 2008.

The glass-framed kiosk was planned to cost €800,000, but construction and Vat saw it rise significantly past this number.

• Final cost: €1.3m/ four bike shelters.

The Dáil printer

Moving indoors, the services in Kildare House have fared no better, not least in the curious case of the Dáil printer — a mammoth, state-of-the-art Komori printer which was designed to [checking my notes here] print things on paper, but which they had built in Britain and stored at mind-bending expense in an off-site warehouse, once they realised it was too big to get inside the Oireachtas.

There was only one solution: tear down walls and reinforce steel to enable clearance, resulting in a printer installation which cost as much as a three-bedroom house in Monaco.

• Final cost: €2m/six bike shelters.

Owen Keegan, former Dublin City Council chief executive and national kayaking advocate.

White water rafting on the Liffey

But enough of workplace ink and office shopping, time for some recreation. And what better way to unwind than with our national sport? 

I speak, of course, of white water rafting and the €23m that was earmarked for a massive kayaking centre at George’s Dock. 

This was approved by the local authority but ultimately withdrawn, as people expressed bemusement that a fringe sport would get such a lavish outlay. 

It’s still unclear how or why former Dublin City chief executive Owen Keegan — a keen kayaker who has competed in the sport for 50 years at home and abroad — wanted the scheme, and we may now never know.

• Final cost: €1.8m before cancellation/five bike shelters.

E-voting machines

Another white elephant of Bertie vintage, these digital voting machines were introduced in 2002, and then withdrawn a few years later as they were found to be unsuited for use.

• Final cost: €54m/162 bike shelters.

The Dunkettle Interchange, Cork, yesterday

Dunkettle Interchange

Road improvements were intended to facilitate traffic to and from the Jack Lynch tunnel in East Cork, only to result in much nicer roads for cars to barely move through.

Despite its mammoth financial and logistical cost, traffic is now significantly worse in all directions.

• Final cost: €220m/660 bike shelters

Children’s Hospital

None of the above come close to the true, great white whale of Irish overspends ... the Children’s Hospital. 

First budgeted at €650m in 2014, it has since grown to 3.5x that estimate, and is on course to be the most expensive hospital on the planet — and the fifth most expensive building ever constructed.

• Final cost: €2.24bn/6,666 bike shelters.
  

Nowhere in the above did I find space to describe the still un-started Dublin Metrolink (446 bike shelters) or the HSE’s failed PPARS computer system (660 bike shelters).

Nor the iodine capsules (seven bike shelters) or millennium candles (four bike shelters), the millennium clock (one bike shelter), nor the Spire (14 bike shelters).

So as not to muddy the waters of budgets and currency, I’ve not mentioned Stormont’s RHI scheme (1,732 bike shelters) or Casement Park (892 bike shelters) — both of which suggest such profligacy is an entirely cross-border phenomenon.

The truth is, I was not prepared for the deluge which followed my initial request, and soon found myself incapable of delivering what I’d promised. 

You might say my initial estimates ballooned beyond my expectations. I’m shocked by this, personally, but can only say that mistakes were made. I will learn from them. This will not happen again.