Edel Coffey: I realised I'm holding on to my old clothes as a way of holding on to my memories

Time to clean out the closet for new memories

Edel Coffey: Clothes can provide a direct route to happy memories, in the same way that scent can. Picture: Ray Ryan

I have been trying to do a spring clean over the past few weeks. I couldn’t understand why I was finding it so difficult to let go of old clothes that I haven’t worn in years.

My attempts at clearing out my wardrobe were laughable. I felt like one of my children when they try to get rid of old toys. For every two toys that go in the charity bag, one gets taken back out. Likewise I’ve found myself bringing bags and boxes to the charity shop but stealthily removing one or two items at the last minute in the car park, as a sudden pang kicked in. Do I really want to let this one go?

Then I stumbled across an article in a newspaper. I’m not a royal watcher but I did happen to notice this particular picture of Princess Anne wearing one of her late mother’s coats. It was a purple velvet number, not really the kind of thing you’d see the late queen wearing, but it turned out that this was a jacket the queen had only worn on family holidays. And so, we can assume, it held memories of happy times.

It struck me as deeply poignant that Princess Anne, now 73, might gain some comfort from wearing her late mother’s old jacket. When my own mother died, my dad gave me some of her nicer clothes, things she had loved wearing, things that I remembered her being happy in but I have yet to wear any of these clothes myself. When I think about wearing them, I’m hit with a wave of panic, perhaps because I’m just not ready to do that yet.

Perhaps because to do so would be to step into the Narnia of my grief, rather than keep it at arm’s length hanging in the wardrobe. It was at this moment that I realised why I had been finding it so hard to part with my old clothes. Clothes are vessels for memories of particular times in our lives. It’s why we hold on to special items like wedding dresses or baby clothes. They hold so much emotional resonance for us. Just think of the role they play in films and TV. We often see a scene of a person sleeping in an ex-partner’s old t-shirt, or standing in the wardrobe of a deceased loved one, trying to recapture their essence. I realised I’m holding on to my own clothes from my life 10,15 years ago as a way of holding on to my memories of that time, perhaps even as a way of clinging on to my youth. If I get rid of the clothes, am I letting go of my youth too?

But I had to accept I’ve moved into a new phase of my life. The past decade was one of huge change and upheaval for me and now it feels like I’m entering a calmer phase of life.

My children are becoming more independent and I have time to address the things I have neglected over the past decade – my wardrobe, my body, myself.

Holding on to those old clothes that worked for me in my 30s is only holding me back in my forties, cluttering up my wardrobe and my psychosphere. The relief that comes with clearing out both physical and emotional clutter is like opening up the windows and letting fresh air flow through a house.

When we clear out a wardrobe, or are able to get rid of things because we have moved into a new life phase, it’s like the feng shui gods have gusted through every room in our lives and swept out the bad energy. I still remember how clear my house felt when I was able to get rid of big space-cloggers like buggies and baby chairs and playpens.

Life is all about moving forward, letting go of the things we don’t need to carry around anymore to make way for the things that are yet to come. The spring clean has been going much better since I’ve started to think of it in this way.

Later in the week, I came across another news article informing me that Colin Firth’s iconic white shirt from the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice is up for auction.

The auctioneer said this shirt, along with the dress Drew Barrymore wore in the film Ever After are the items potential buyers have expressed most interest in. It reminded me again of the deeply emotional connection we have to clothes.

Clothes can provide a direct route to happy memories, in the same way that scent can. Perhaps the little girl who watched Drew Barrymore in the 1998 film Ever After is now all grown up and considering buying the dress for her own fairy tale wedding. As for the Colin Firth shirt, I won’t venture to speculate as to why anyone might want to buy it.

Either way, what’s clear is that clothes hold our memories. Some of those are worth holding onto, and others can be released, indeed must be released, to make way for new phases of life, new memories, and hopefully some new clothes too.