Suzanne Harrington: When will we be able to change the topic from the queen?

Devotion to Her Late Majesty is now being calculated by how long you spent shuffling along the Thames; at the time of writing, David Beckham was in the lead.

Good morning on this unexpected bank holiday. Oh, you’re not having one in Ireland? Never mind. Over here in England, the situation is vaguely comparable to an Irish Good Friday in the days when we were still a theocracy — everything is shut and people are meant to look glum.

This mass closure included the resort chain Centre Parcs — “We hope our guests will understand our decision to support our Queen on her final journey” — so if you were mid-holiday there, you’d have had to leave by 10 this morning. They backtracked, accused of ruining people’s holidays. Bicycle parking racks in Norwich have also been closed out of respect.