Edel Coffey: Ageing for men and women has always been different

It’s like we’re living life in dog years, and age seven years for every year a man ages
Edel Coffey: Ageing for men and women has always been different

Edel Coffey: Instead of lists of the ‘best 30 under 30’, it’s equally important that we see lists of the ‘best 50 over 50’, or ‘60 over 60’

Ageing for men and women has always been different. Despite the fact that women live longer than men, we seem to begin to age much earlier, much more intensely, and at a greater rate than our male counterparts. It’s like we’re living life in dog years, and age seven years for every year a man ages.

Take the example of the adult entertainment industry, as it was once quaintly known. In The Butterfly Effect, Jon Ronson’s podcast investigating the industry, he reported that female porn actresses had to endure a fallow period in their careers, usually around their late twenties. Why? Because they were too old (yes, you read that right) to play naughty school girls anymore but still too young to play MILFs so they had to wait in the wilderness for a few years until they could fit into a new female stereotype. 

It’s a harsh insight into how one industry views women and age. But the industry of conventional acting doesn’t fare much better. There’s a scene in the French Netflix comedy Call My Agent, where an agent has to break the news to his actress that she has missed out on a role because the director thinks that, at 40, she is too old for the part. 

‘There is nothing more fragile than an actress who’s just turned 40,’ he says. “Forty for an actress is like 60 for other women... 80 for men,” he adds with a delightful bit of sharp scriptwriting.

It’s no wonder that many women are still coy about their ages. It has nothing to do with vanity, and everything to do with protecting ourselves from being reduced to the sum part of our years on this planet. 

All of the evidence (and our own experience) suggests that we get more interesting, more intelligent, more sexually confident and more strident as we get older, and yet the perception of women as they age is of becoming irrelevant and invisible.

Getting older for men and for women signifies different things, I suppose, some of which are dictated by our differing biology. For example, a friend recently confided in me that he thinks he is finally ready to think about settling down, finding a wife, and having children. He’s 45, not that much older than me. 

His comment made me laugh. If only it were as simple as deciding that you were ready, I thought. And then I thought maybe it is that simple for men. An undertow of resentment pulled at the current of my thoughts. 

Men don’t technically have any time limits on those biological windows that women have to address much earlier in life, and they have no cultural narrative suggesting that they get less attractive or valuable as they age either, which means at 45, my friend still sees himself as ‘a catch’. And I’m sure he is. It’s just that I’m not sure a woman of the same age and circumstance would be afforded the same ‘value’.

I was put in mind of all of this last week as I listened to the esteemed Northern Irish journalist Susan McKay, who has just been appointed the new Press Ombudsman of Ireland. She pointed out in an interview with Miriam O’Callaghan that she was pleased to have gotten a ‘big responsible public job’ saying: “It’s good for younger women because it shows them that women can aspire to have those jobs but it’s also good for older women because there has always been a sense in Ireland, as elsewhere, that men get distinguished as they get older and women get ‘past it’.

Northern Irish journalist Susan McKay, who has just been appointed the new Press Ombudsman of Ireland
Northern Irish journalist Susan McKay, who has just been appointed the new Press Ombudsman of Ireland

"So it’s really nice to be an older woman who has got a responsible job and I know so many other women in their sixties and older who are well able for big responsible jobs and are being passed over for them.”

Indeed, the natural progression for important men in big responsible public jobs is to enjoy a vibrant post-retirement life in advisory or consulting roles or as members of boards that ensure they continue to enjoy relevance, power, meaning and agency in their lives. It’s seen as a natural progression after years of accrued experience and expertise. 

Women, on the other hand, seem to be expected to fade away, take up bridge or gardening, develop an interest in crosswords.

Perhaps now, as a generation of career women are maturing and entering their fifties and sixties, the landscape might begin to change as these women bring their expertise to the big public jobs. Indeed, there are now many examples globally of women in positions of power, from the 81 year old Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House of Representatives, to the 51 year old Shonda Rhimes, the most powerful woman in television, to the 66 year old Christine Lagarde, president of the European Central Bank. 

McKay is right when she says it’s good for women, young and old, to see other women getting big responsible public jobs. I’m a committed believer in the philosophy of ‘if you can’t see it you can’t be it.’ 

Instead of lists of the ‘best 30 under 30’, it’s equally important that we see lists of the ‘best 50 over 50’, or ‘60 over 60’, the kind which Forbes published last year. If we can see it, we can be it.

More in this section

Lifestyle

Newsletter

The best food, health, entertainment and lifestyle content from the Irish Examiner, direct to your inbox.

Cookie Policy Privacy Policy Brand Safety FAQ Help Contact Us Terms and Conditions

© Examiner Echo Group Limited