Colm O'Regan: 'Left shark' has nothing on my little ones

Children's theatre is the purest form of artistic expression, and I'm here for it

Colm is a drama school Dad and he's not afraid to say (sing?) it.

I honestly didn’t expect to enjoy it that much. I had thought I was going to watch my own children perform, to assume they didn’t get bigger roles because of others’ pettiness and jealousy, and then maybe read an improving book while the other people’s children were on.

But right from the first moment we sat in that theatre with the logo of the little local stage school up on the curtain, I was hooked. Knowing somewhere in the back were Our Two, all dressed in their little outfits, waiting nervously to go on (As it turned out they weren’t a bit nervous. They were actually watching cartoons).

And then the show started. The 7-9s were out first doing singing and dancing. Is there anything sweeter than children doing a song and a dance? Their little heads full of joy and trepidation and puzzlement and self-assurance, and occasional panic. And focus. The deep, deep focus of a child remembering steps and words.

Then the older children came out to do a few bits from Grease. Straight away I was transported back to 1990, to sixth class in Dripsey National School. Me with a white T-shirt. Jeans, black shoes with white socks. Hair slicked back with my Mother’s Wella. Singing “Ah wella wella wella, ooh! TELL ME MORE!"

We’re at that stage now. Literally. After Grease, there’s a murmur in the crowd. I see why. The 3-6s are out. There’s Our Two. Scuttling across the stage. Doing a little poem about a shark who just wants to play. Our eldest plays the shark. Dressed as a shark. Her little sister hiding behind a plant. MY OVARIES!

They only had a few minutes throughout the show but I didn’t mind. There were heroes all through. To be sure, there were a few stars. The Ones Who Have It. They can sing or dance or generally Get It.

But they didn’t get all the roles, and they were sound. Everyone seemed to get a go. There was the girl who seemed to be on a mission to chew up the scenery no matter what she was involved in. She was not going to let this chance pass. There was the two-year-old who was the agent of anarchy. 

You always need those at stage school productions. The tension breaker. I don’t mean someone having a nightmare with their lines. Just that classic Toy Show loose cannon. But whereas the Toy Show might be gamed for maximum viral video spread, the little lad who just wandered around randomly like those dogs at Crufts who ignore every obstacle on the course was the purest form of artistic expression. I even forgave him for slightly upstaging Our Two.

Just like the pups arriving for Crufts, the kids marched onstage looking every inch the professionals. Photo: Rui Vieira/PA Wire

The crowd are full of excitement after. "I didn’t even know she could sing" is the sort of thing you hear outside. And a word for the people who run stage schools. They’re not always the famous schools. Often quite young people who don’t charge a whole lot of money, spending time with small children, giving them a bit of confidence. Maybe sometimes changing their families’ perceptions of a child they thought was shy.

I don’t know how many of these children will go on to be Triple Threat EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) and Lip Sync Battle winners. Maybe one day Graham Norton will turn around to his telly to show them and the other guests on the couch, the grainy video of them waiting on a stage in Tallaght for their friend to remember their lines and My Two will be in the corner of the shot looking apprehensively at the rampaging two-year-old. But for now, I’m humming the theme to Grease, very much enjoying this stage they’re going through.