Colm O'Regan: Once you know a small child, it changes the way you watch television

Thanks for ruining telly for me, kids

They ruin telly for you: children. Not because they keep coming in interrupting and asking questions about every single thing they see. “Why is Walter White the hero yet he seems profoundly unpleasant? I’m struggling to find any sympathetic characters in this Daddy. Maybe Hank at a push,” says the four-year-old. I’m joking. I don’t let her watch Breaking Bad. It’s just that I’m a few seasons ahead.

It's not that. There are a number of other reasons. The first is the hardest. Once you know a small child – be they your own or a close nibling or small cousin, you cannot watch a child being badly treated in anything without being really upset by it. You immediately start to project the situation onto your own little snookums and it’s unbearable. “AAAGH THE POOR CHILD, LEAVE HER ALONE!” It doesn’t matter that it’s fictional. It doesn’t even have to be a human. It could be a Young Anything. A dalmatian pup. A small dinosaur.