Alison Curtis: Ditching perfection and learning to let go
Alison Curtis Pic: Marc O'Sullivan
The cliched answer that most people give in a job interview when asked what their negative traits are is “I’m a perfectionist”.
But cliche or not, most of us are just that in some aspect of our lives. Either our home is super tidy or we won’t allow ourselves any mistakes in work.
However, there are people who strive for perfection all the time which is draining and often doesn’t lead to a happier result.
I might spend too long organising things just so in a drawer that is only going to descend into chaos the next day. I might wipe a counter until there are absolutely no crumbs left lying about.
In work I admittedly get annoyed with myself if I fluff a line or stumble during a link on air. When writing my shows I dot the i’s and cross the t’s before I print anything off.
But this isn’t necessarily a good thing. It can also leave you with a sense of why did I do that, would it really have mattered if things weren’t “just so” all of the time.
The idea of what perfection is should be a moveable thing or at least something that can mean different things to different people.
In relation to parenting, I have needed to learn to let a lot go and move away from what I considered perfection.
By this I mean if my daughter Joan is making mistakes while we are doing homework. I have had to teach myself to leave it from time to time when it is clear I am doing more damage than good or she is too tired.
It might be okay for me to apply the pressure of perfection to myself when I am leaving the house, do I look okay, is there anything stuck to my top, is my hair like a haystack or not? But equally it is totally fine if Joan leaves the house without freshly combed hair, or a yoghurt stain on her pants.
In the greater scheme of things none of that matters.
I have really pushed myself of late to not focus on if there is a stain on her clothing or her room is a bit untidy going to bed. Who cares?
Everything in its right place is an exhausting mantra to try and maintain and so too is the pressure to try and not have any hiccups or frustrations in a day. It just isn’t real life.
I have had to teach myself to be more at ease if a disagreement develops on a playdate with Joan and a pal. Or I can’t get every single knot out of her hair at night.
All these things take up a lot of time and energy and really the main goal is to end the day with everyone happy and healthy.
This has been highlighted more now in the past 18 months than ever before.
It is a good lesson for all of us to learn. Not only for ourselves as parents but for our children. Perfection, or the idea of it, puts too much pressure on people to really flourish and thrive.
I really have changed tack with Joan and try to remember correcting her isn’t always the best way and that complimenting her and building her up will never go unnoticed and will always have a positive impact on her.
