Suzanne Harrington: 'Covid restrictions have all ended in tiers. Happy Weirdmas, everyone'
And so this is Christmas. Kind of. As the UK government continues to make it up as it goes along, urging residents to go out but stay at home, meet people but don’t meet people, have a Scotch egg with your ten pints because that makes you Covid proof, go shopping but try not to breathe inside any of the shops, send your kids and teens to school but keep them locked up afterwards, go for a fanny wax but don’t visit your granny, the UK Covid Christmas message is as mixed as a bag of nuts.
It has all ended in tiers. Although Eid was cancelled with just 24 hours notice earlier this summer, this would incur the foaming wrath of the right wing media were the UK government to do this on Christmas Eve – so instead we are urged to stay in our bubble and simultaneously mix with other bubbles while somehow hoping that that bigger bubbles won’t cause granny to pop (her clogs) by New Year.
People are getting inventive. Friends of ours with elderly vulnerable parents near London have made plans to have Christmas dinner together – the oldies and their carer in the warm conservatory with the doors ajar, the rest of the family huddled around a table in the garden in ski suits with a fire pit and a brazier, like posh hobos, all eating dinner at the same time, hoping there won’t be gales or hailstones.
Making the most of what will surely be one of the most surreal festive seasons since that time some Middle Eastern shepherds encountered a large winged creature in the sky, pointing them towards a distant stable.
But if your parents or grandparents are in Ireland and you’re in the UK, no amount of ski suits or braziers or anything winged in the sky is going to make Christmas together possible. This is because, like other sensible places, Ireland has a coherent Covid policy, and high levels of compliance.
This isn’t about Christmas per se. Christmas is just a date on the calendar that we have long mutually elected as a time to gather together. No, this is about forced separation, and how we are not used to it, and how it reminds us of how short life is, especially if you are old.
People have been talking about how hard 2020 has been for the young – and it has – but the cool thing about being young is that they have the rest of their lives to look back on the great pandemic shitshow and how annoying it was. Old people don’t. Instead, we all suck it up and remain philosophical and optimistic for 2021 because what else can we do, but still. It sucks. Oldies, hang on.
We miss you. Happy Weirdmas.
