Colm O'Regan: old films, old fairytales

Disney Plus? Another subscription? Surely now is not the time. Surely you can get the stuff from the libr... ok, well surely you can get it online somewhere else? Well you can but small children show an understandable lack of patience for parents trying to find Disney classics on Turkish mirror site.

They refuse to sit still if you try and piece together a film from 14 separate snippets on YouTube. And then one segment that you thought was part of the film is actually some fella sitting in his mam’s basement in Idaho and beginning every sentence with “Sooo”.

And of course, you shouldn’t steal other people’s stuff. YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A CAR WOUJA? WOUJA?

So, Disney Plus it is. As the children get older and start watching longer films I’m re-watching the classics with new eyes. (And re-watching them, again. Children like to get a good handle on one thing before they move onto another.) So far it’s the traditional ones: Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast.

Old films based on even older fairy tales are, to use once more the overused term, ‘problematic’.

Women over the age of 40 better be jolly and godmotherly, otherwise they’re evil.

And if they’re under a certain age, their main role is to provide grandchildren.

Beauty is defined very narrowly and if you’re not in that range you’re probably a bad person.

I don’t think it was Disney’s intention, but this stuff is so blatant that it makes it easier to sneak in a few life lessons.

After gentle prodding, our four-year-old seems to get it.

She too is puzzled why doesn’t the prince ask Cinderella’s name at any stage in the time they are dancing. What on earth are they talking about? Is he telling her about his podcast? And how could you dance in a glass slipper? And why would you marry someone you’d only just met?

But there are three great things about these film that will work in any era.

Slapstick, scary bits and songs. The true heroes of Cinderella are the mice and cat. They provide small children with what they really crave. Things falling over.

Snow White has scary bits which they are starting to watch a bit more of.

It depends on the child, but by and large watching scary things is good for children.

They already know the world is scary. Scary is thousands of years old. It’s part of who we are. It tells us truths and when it’s all over they get a cuddle.

And there are the songs.

Cast-iron sitting-room floor fillers that have lasted.

A good song is not guaranteed. Frozen has ‘Let it Go’ but ‘Into the Unknown’ mightn’t last.

Not like ‘Some Day My Prince Will Come’. Even ‘Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Bo’o is still going strong.

My favourite movie and fairy-tale is Beauty and the Beast.

Because they have a chance to get to know each other.

Although in each version of Beauty and the Beast, Disney made the same mistake.

THE BEAST IS BETTER LOOKING THAN THE PRINCE.

Did anyone else feel disappointed for Beauty that she falls in love with a ride of a Beast, one who can fight off wolves, shifts him and turns him into Chesney Hawkes?

I’m not sure what the lesson is there.