Caitríona Redmond: Living on less as a parent is challenging and adds to my mental load

Plus how to make my homemade roast tomato pasta

Pic: iStock

While writing my column this week the kids forgot that I work from home. Never mind the audiobooks or banging of footballs in the background, that’s normal for family life and over time I learned to tune it out. On average every 7 minutes in the space of an hour they wandered into the office for a chat. I love chatting with them but it’s impossible to concentrate and keep all of the plates in the air when I’m being interrupted so regularly.

Calmly, I grabbed a hair elastic and tied my hair up. I meant business. The meandering into my space eased, and then the rate of emails increased. There was a utility bill, a reminder for a dog licence, work queries, 10 emails in 20 minutes and while none were spam, several needed almost immediate responses.

The mental load today was a bit much if I’m honest. Do you know what mental load is?

For me, it’s like wearing a heavy cardigan with loads of pockets in the cold of winter. As soon as I get up in the morning I put the cardigan on because it’s a necessity in the bitter weather. It has so many pockets I forget what’s in them. Maybe my mental load is similar to the legendary Forty Coats with his Forty Pockets, or maybe I’m just showing my age that I remember him.

Sometimes the pockets are so full of worries they spill over and get messy. They’re difficult to clean and take up an awful lot of my time. On the other hand there are hidden pouches that hold secret cares that I rarely talk about but carry around every day. It’s a heavy cardigan, I am always aware of wearing it. The financial worries are amongst the the ones that drag me down the most.

When I take a break, the cardigan comes off and I feel like I can breathe a little freer, even for a small time. It’s always there though, the mental load. I’m always working away and calculating or worrying about the next thing. Did I take the bread out of the freezer for tomorrow? Is there enough in the household budget to cover the cost of the utility bill? Plus, today’s conflicting worries about whether the kids are struggling too much with me working from home and if I haven’t set strong enough boundaries.

Living on less is so challenging as a parent and it adds so many more layers to the mental load. At my best I can shoulder what’s going on and set plans in motion to deal with my worries and cares. At my worst I can feel like the load is smothering me as an individual, as a parent, and a partner.

So I scrape my hair up into a pony tail and start chipping away at all the emails, messages, and requests that have come in. I make lists with my worries and tick them off when they are settled or postponed. One small step at a time I’m trying to empty my pockets of worries and make sure they don’t refill when I’m not looking.

If you are struggling with mental load, know that you are not on your own.

Home Truths

If you buy your meat in a tray, did you know that it’s not always the right choice for the freezer? Decant your meat from the tray that it’s packaged in. Sometimes it has so much free space surrounding it in the plastic tray with vacuum sealed air that I can fit 2 cuts of beef into the freezer if I ditch the packaging.

That large tray with sealed in air is designed to help shelf life for the beef in the fridge but it’s redundant in the freezer, can be more brittle and prone to cracking in the freezer. Instead, when I get home from the shops I take a few minutes to repackage the meat into a freezer bag or wrap it tightly using my food-safe wrap of choice.

When it comes to sauces and soups I decant them into sandwich bags then lay them flat on a baking tray for 24 hours. Once they are frozen solid I stack the sandwich bags on top of one another in the freezer and I can fit so many more soups and sauces into the drawer with this simple method.

Whatever you do, don’t forget to label your freezer items well. Recently, I had an unfortunate incident with strawberry puree and tomato sauce which made for an interesting chicken dish. As always, learn from my mistakes!

Homemade Roast Tomato Pasta

recipe by:Caitriona Redmond 

A luxe version of a family staple.

Servings

12

Preparation Time

 15 mins

Cooking Time

 1 hours 30 mins

Total Time

 1 hours 45 mins

Course

 Main

Ingredients

• 2kg tomatoes, chopped

• 2 onions, chopped

• 6 cloves garlic, chopped (use more if you love garlic)

• 2 fresh chillis, chopped

• 2 tbsp olive oil

• Salt and pepper

• Dried herbs of your choice (I use oregano and thyme)

• 150g mascarpone cheese

• 300g dried pasta

• Fresh basil leaves, torn

Method

1. Place the tomatoes, onions, garlic, chilli, and olive oil into a deep baking dish. Stir together with the salt and pepper, plus dried herbs of your choice. Bake in the oven at 150 degrees for 2 hours until jammy and sticky.

2. Alternatively, place over a low barbeque heat for 1 hour to 1 hour 15 minutes. If cooking on the barbeque this will require a close eye and plenty of stirring to prevent sticking but it’ll give a beautiful smokey flavour to the sauce.

3. Once cooked, set the baking dish to one side to cool slightly. Blitz into a smooth sauce using a stick blender. Add vinegar and honey to taste if required.

4. This recipe makes enough sauce for 12 adult portions. Decant two thirds of the sauce into sandwich bags once cold and lie flat in the freezer to save on space. This sauce will keep in the freezer for up to 3 months.

5. To make the pasta dish, stir the soft cheese into one third of the tomato sauce while it’s still warm. Cook the pasta according to the instructions on the packet. Strain most of the water, then combine with the creamy tomato sauce. Serve with torn basil leaves and maybe more tomatoes if you’re a huge fan or have a glut.