Denis Lehane: Farm Aid would be music to my ears

It's high time our musicians tuned into the idea of a rock concert in aid of farmers, like they do in the States

Farm Aid founder Willie Nelson. Picture: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

A man approached me in the pub the other night and enquired as to how I was surviving at all?

"With great difficulty," I assured him, as I supped on my pint with a certain degree of distress and loads of angst.

"The money simply isn't in farming anymore," I explained, as I opened my bag of crisps.

In the old days, fellows like me could drink all night long. When the pint went to over the fiver and fertiliser got too expensive to contemplate, the fun went out of farming.

My friend nodded in a supportive class of a way and then suggested he might remove his cap and take up a collection around the bar for my benefit.

"Don't be daft man," I declared. For it would only be a drop in the ocean in comparison to what farmers really need.

I told him my bank account has been in the red since Putin was in short pants and to top it all, our farm payments are as late as the devil this year.

"We'll be lucky if we see anything before Christmas," I moaned.

"And what about the farmer's dole?" he asked, "you're surely entitled to that?"

"Well, you'd think so," I fumed. And I after fathering numerous children while struggling on the land. I should be on the top of that list.

"But no. Tis PC gone mad," I explained

And he agreed.

The pen pushers and the bean counters have the country destroyed.

And then my friend (desperate to find a solution) hit the bar with his fist, for he had hit the jackpot.

He went on to announce that in America every year a rock concert is held in aid of farmers.

"It's called Farm Aid," says he excitedly

Well, his story was so downright remarkable that I had to ask him to repeat himself, and so he did.

The story remained the same. Indeed, it now sounded all the better.

"This is exactly the thing we need" I roared.

Each and every year, America's greatest musicians come together to perform a concert in aid of farmers.

I have found out since that Farm Aid has been on the go for decades, helping farmers by putting money in their pockets.

Willie Nelson started it all, and you can be sure if Elvis was still around today, he'd be swinging his old hips in support of the American farmer.

You have to hand it to the Yanks. Not only did they land a man in the moon and invent bubble gum, but they look after the farmer as well.

When was the last time a rock concert was held on these shores for the benefit of Irish farmers?

I'll tell you when. It was never! Never in the history of mankind.

And why? And why not? Is really the question we should all be asking.

Things are gone right bad.

With the EU now getting as tightfisted as old Scrooge and our incomes falling faster than the rain, it's high time our musicians tuned into the idea.

Bono is in Las Vegas at the moment playing inside an old ball. Well, he could just as easily be playing inside my farm gate.

We need a powerful rock performance to put a few extra shillings into Irish farmers pockets.

It's not easy to keep our fences mended with drink the way it's gone.

Like old Bertie himself, we need a dig out. And I feel a rock concert, with Irish farmers at its heart, would be music to all our ears.