Denis Lehane: There's plenty of career options for poor Ryan

Like many more Irish before him, Farming columnist Denis Lehane predicts Ryan Tubridy will soon be heading for the UK to find work.

Like many more Irish before him, I predict Ryan Tubridy will soon be heading for the UK to find work.

And more luck to him if he does. I was there myself back in the late 80s. In London, working like the devil, just a stone's throw from Buckingham Palace. I found plenty of work. Ryan will have no difficulty.

Needless to say, I did very well for myself. I made a fortune. Ryan could do likewise if he follows my advice.

I returned home a wealthy man and was able to buy a second-hand car without too much bother.

Indeed, if you wander down Picadilly Circus of a Friday afternoon, you might still hear mention of me as an old workhorse stumbles out of a pub, wipes the beer from his mouth and recalls the greats who worked on the sites back in the day.

Days when drink was cheap and hard hats were laughed at.

We worked hard, but were paid handsomely.

Now the first thing I will say to Ryan is not to worry.

On a building site, nobody gives a damn about you or about your background. You could be the Pope; you could be a pauper. Everyone is treated the same.

So long as you can cut open a bag of cement with a shovel and hoist it into a mixer without losing a drop, you are part of the team.

There used to be a few pick-up points throughout the city back in the day, places where busy builders looking for men, like me or Ryan, would pull over of a morning.

I believe one was located outside The Cock and Lion pub, or was it The Cock and Tulip?

Yerra, I can't remember now; the drink has muddled my mind.

But Ryan, use my name if you have to; it might open a few doors for you on a cold winter's morning.

Tell them you know me, and that I write for d'paper back home, and that I think you would make a handy plasterer's helper.

Wear a warm coat too of a morning. The winters can be cold.

But before you book the ferry Ryan, could there be opportunities abundant at home.

There is work aplenty. Forget about the aul RTÉ. That place is old hat.

Farmers the length and breadth of the country would take the likes of Ryan Tubridy at the drop of a hat.

And while the pay wouldn't be on the grand scale of an RTÉ salary, if a fellow was willing to put in long hard hours, a handy sum could be made.

There's a farmer at the moment not a million miles from me looking for a fellow to milk a herd of 100 cows, he has a couple calves too to feed, but nothing too dramatic.

"I'd even take on Ryan Tubridy himself," says he to me the other morning, while wiping the sweat from his brow, so desperate was he, so dire has his situation become.

And I know of another fellow, back near Ballyvourney, with a flock of mountain ewes who can't get help for love nor money.

Again, Ryan would be in big demand and wouldn't be hunted from the yard with a big stick if he was willing to stand at a gate or pare the feet of the old lame ewe.

The Farm Relief Services too are there if a fellow would like a bit more variety, and not forgetting that cattle marts are always in search of workers if droving cattle is something you fancy.

Now call me an optimist, but I think Ryan Tubridy would make a first-class calf drover if given the right training. He's a gentle old devil, after all.

Now, I wouldn't say he'd be brilliant to begin with, but in time I do see some potential.

I myself worked in marts for many years, gently steering calves in the direction of the sales ring.

It's not brain surgery. But it would certainly keep a fellow grounded and the wolf from the door.

And right now, I think a good dose of grounding is exactly what RTÉ's super-rich really need.