A farming hand for Elon Musk
To win his upcoming fight against Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk will need to have the mindset of a farmer with a small Single Farm Payment, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane.
I have always had a lot of time for Elon Musk. In many ways, I believe that he and I are quite similar.
He is a 52-year-old, multi-billionaire media and business tycoon. He is a rocket enthusiast with properties, I imagine, that probably stretch from here to Barbados.
I, similarly enough, am also 52.
But the similarities don't just end with our age.
No, in another universe, far far away, we could well be brothers.
Anyhow, naturally enough, I was all ears when I heard the recent announcement that Elon Musk was going to take on your man who runs Facebook in some class of a sparring match.
Indeed, I was so intrigued, when word came over the wireless, that I had to put down my bag of milk replacer to take it all in.
"Well glory be," says I to my hungry calves, "Just when you thought the world couldn't get any more exciting."
Now where and when the bout of fisty cuffs is to take place, I have no idea. The bawling of my calves drowned out any and all useful information from that point on.
All I do know is that Musk will have his work cut out to beat the man in charge of Facebook. For, from what I hear, he's far from the pushover he looks like.
Now in order for Musk to win the all-important encounter, for I have done little else but think about the matter, I believe he will have to seek out experts in every field.
And if Musk has any clue at all, one of the experts will have to be a farmer.
For with a farmer in his corner, with a farmer on board, losing will not be an option.
I myself am considered by many to be not only an excellent farmer but also a dab hand at the business of Karate.
I would, therefore, happily help out Elon Musk in his hour of need.
I originally took up the sport of Karate as a much younger man, but bailed out when farming kicked in.
However, now in later life, I have again returned to the sparring mat of my youth and the Karate way of life.
My eyesight may be failing, but damn it all, I'm excelling once again in the throwing of haymakers and the delivery of sidewinders that are the envy of many and a danger to all.
And the secret to my success? Well, that's simple. It's all to do with farming.
When a fellow can dodge the sweeping tail of a cow in a milking stall, and can avoid getting a kick down below the belt from a ram in distress, well then, my friends, a fellow is ready to face any battle.
In farming, only the toughest survive - especially when you have a small Single Farm Payment.
A farmer with a meagre Single Farm Payment is like a fighter who still manages to win with one arm tied behind his back. They are the greatest scrappers of all.
To win, Musk will need to have the mindset of a farmer with a small Single Farm Payment.
He will need to come out of his corner like a primed-up ram in September. He will need strong legs and a fine thick head up on his shoulders.
When two rams go head-to-head, there can only be one winner.
And the winner will be Elon Musk if he spends a summer working on a farm piking bales of hay and drinking black porter as fast as you can fill the stuff.
I'm telling you, if Musk can get a season of farming in West Cork under his belt, he'll face any contender.
