Denis Lehane: The arrival of the Hereford

For the first time since the mart's foundation, Denis Lehane bid for a Hereford bullock. There was silence in the ring. Shock and surprise all around.

Denis has bought a Hereford bullock in the beginning of a new era for him.

I recently purchased a Hereford bullock. It's very exciting news. He's the first Hereford I've purchased in over 50 years.

Usually a supporter of the bargain bullock - the fellow who might saunter into the ring with three legs or two tails - it was a delight to finally secure a regular bullock. And not any old regular bullock - but a Hereford! The Hereford is a classy animal.

However, when I first watched this particular Hereford walk into the ring, what I saw was a hungry little guy, a fellow clearly on meagre rations. But seeing as how he was a Hereford (and therefore classy) I felt he was a little bit above my league. He would be purchased by the big guys, with their big wallets.

Hands would soon fly as a bidding war got underway, I figured. The bidding began with this old guy shouting out a small number in the direction of the auctioneer. Clearly, the Hereford's meagre frame did not excite the gathered throng assembled at the mart.

And better again, the old boy's opening bid wasn't immediately trumped by another interested party. So for the first time in living memory, for the first time since the mart's foundation, the hand of Mr Lehane was raised to show an interest in bidding for a Hereford.

There was silence in the ring. Shock and surprise all around. None more surprised than the auctioneer. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief, he accepted my bid, but only on an assurance that I wasn't drunk. I was breaking new ground.

'Twas really only when I raised my hand to counter the old boy's second bid that I was taken seriously. The race was on. For the next three-and-a-half minutes a gigantic bidding battle ensued, as this old guy of about 97 fought with me for the Hereford. He fought well, but I fought better.

Time after time he raised the stakes by €5 and €10, only for me to trump them all. Eventually, I succeeded in outbidding Methuselah. With a shake of his head, he indicated to the world his decision to step aside. The bullock was mine.

He cost me a few quid more than I normally pay, but he was worth it. And what the hell, you only live once. I've always been a great admirer of the Hereford, but never in my wildest dreams did I see a time when one would come my way.

So it was a dream come true to head into the yard with my new purchase. "Go on now," says I, as I ushered the Hereford out of the trailer. "Go meet up with your new friends."

And with that, as if by magic, my herd of misfits, rogues and scallywags galloped into the yard full of bustle and curiosity. 

It was like a scene from Oliver Twist. 'Twas practically Dickensian. A new addition to the gang had arrived, and me like Fagin attempting to be the benevolent host.

"Come on there now lads, give him a bit of room," I demanded as they crowded around us. All were excited to see the new face.

The arrival of the Hereford heralds an exciting new chapter for this farm. It's a step up. It marks the beginning of a new era for me. A new adventure. I'm in a different league now, I'm finally up there with the big boys.