Denis Lehane: A Tiffany diamond is the ideal farming Christmas gift

'The only downfall I foresee with the $30 million ring would be if your misses began to wear it around the yard and lost it while putting out fresh bedding for the calves'
Denis Lehane: A Tiffany diamond is the ideal farming Christmas gift

Famous New York jewelers Tiffany's is to sell its most expensive item ever launhing a diamond necklace valued at up to $30 million. It is a reimagined version of an original sketch that was discovered last year, which Tiffany's made for the World's Fair in 1939. Picture Tiffany & Co.

With the Sheep Welfare Payment in the bag, and the remaining Basic Farm Payment just around the corner, if we don't have money now we never will.

So with our pockets bursting from loose change, with our slate clear at the local Spar, isn't it about time you splashed out on a loved one?

With Christmas just weeks away, we mustn't be afraid to spend a penny.

Tiffany's, a jewellery outfit based in New York city, have at this very moment a class of a sparkler that might be right up your street.

Ideal I fancy, for the farmer willing to go the extra mile this Christmas.

It's a diamond necklace, so tis no half-arsed old thing. A top-class item that would liven up your own hairy neck, never mind the neck of your better half.

Retailing at $30 million, it's pricey, I'll admit that. But price I feel should never get in the way of a bargain. For that is what it is.

The necklace you see is special. It can also be converted into a ring.

By popping out the centre gem and clasping it onto a band, hey presto, you now have a ring.

A ring that can be worn with confidence on the finger to impress neighbours both at mass or down at the school gates.

I'm telling you, present this necklace/ring to your missus on Christmas morning and she will be putty in your hands for the remainder of the day.

I would go for it myself, only I'm too busy on the land running after bullocks, to make the call to Tiffany's of New York city.

The necklace, or ring, or whatever the heck you'd like to call it, is the most expensive item ever offered by the famous jewellers.

It's comprised of hundreds of diamonds, with a big one in the middle, the one that can be popped out.

And don't worry about the popping, Tiffany's have a man employed to do that too.

But knowing farmers as I do, I dare say any fellow handy with a pliers would have it popped out in no time.

If your missus wants to wear a ring instead of a necklace, there will be no need to call Mr Poppy from New York.

The only downfall I foresee with the $30 million ring would be if your misses began to wear it around the yard, and while, let's say, mixing milk replacer for the calves she let it slip into a bucket of Maverick.

Or worse again lost it while putting out fresh bedding for the calves.

Lord above, it could be the devil to find if it got lost at all.

And heaven forbid if it found its way into a slurry tanker, God help us all, the slurry spreader wouldn't recognise a $30 million ring, any more than it would recognise a button from your geansaí.

With the shoe down, and the valve open, she'd fire out the diamond with a full tank of slurry and think nothing of the price.

But back to the price. It's quite considerable. I'll give you that. But sure what isn't nowadays?

The way I see it, if you met the right fellow in Tiffanys between now and Christmas, he might throw off a few bob (compliments of the season), and the rest could be spread over the long finger.

It isn't every day that a ring/necklace of this calibre comes up for grabs, so go on, strike while the iron is hot. Make someone feel very special this Christmas.

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