Make me minister and I will take farming to the promised land
To lose one minister is a misfortune, to lose a second is nothing but downright carelessness. The clowning around in Agriculture has just got to stop.
Sickened as I was to hear about the loss of Minister Cowen, I was more sickened again last week to hear Minister Calleary going the same way.
So today with the greatest of respect to both men, I hereby nominate myself for the post of the next Minister for Agriculture. Well somebody's got to do it!
Not only do I feel I'm the best man for the job, but at this stage I could well be the only man for the job.
I have a background in farming, and a knowledge of the land that takes some beating.
At this stage, I've probably forgotten more about farming than most fellows ever remember in the first place.
The way I see it, there is very little difference between looking after a handful of rambunctious bullocks and looking after the needs of 140,000 Irish farmers.
Both require a bit of ration, or sustenance, from time to time. And then of course at other times the stick will have to be pulled out. The secret to being a good farmer and a good Minister for Agriculture, is all down to knowing the right time to use the ration and the stick. The trouble comes when a fellow takes out the stick when he should be offering ration, or vice versa.
What I'm trying to say, without gilding my lily too much, is that when you have worked around pigs, goats, sheep and donkeys for as long as I have you will have no trouble in politics. These are desperate times, we need desperate measures.
And while I'm no genius in many regards, at least I have yet to be sacked from any job I've taken a shine to. And this in itself I feel sets me apart from the herd.
I believe the Taoiseach himself, Micheál Martin, is at present the acting Minister for Agriculture. He's the one keeping the lights on and the kettle boiling until a new man comes bounding in. He might well be back droving calves in Bandon mart, as he did in the run-up to an election many years ago, but that still doesn't make him a good Minister for Agriculture.
To put it bluntly, Micheál is a city boy, and probably knows as much about country life and Crocodile Dundee knew about urban living. He's out of his depth, any fool could see that, I watched the film only last week.
And I don't care how good he is behind a calf, what we need is a man in front of the calf.
What we need in a minister, is to be a poster boy for Irish farming. And I feel with a little bit of airbrushing and with the addition of a discrete wig, I could be that poster boy. I might be nearing fifty, but it's full steam ahead for this old boy.
My credentials speak for themselves. I was born on a farm, reared on a farm, and if the man above spares me, and the banks don't sweep the farm from under me, one day I hope to die on a farm. It's been my ambition for many years to die with my boots on.
So if our coalition Government has any clue at all, they will give the top job in farming to this boy from Kilmichael and I will then take farming to a place few have travelled, the promised land.
