Johnny Bull finally heads out to pasture

A loud report was emitted from the right buttock of the rump of a government that is clinging on to power over in England these times.

A loud report was emitted from the right buttock of the rump of a government that is clinging on to power over in England these times, writes Cormac MacConnell.

When I eventually deciphered it, I was overjoyed.

It represented the best news I’ve heard the whole year, that declaration by John Bull that the Irish won’t be able to freely move into England in two years time, when this Brexit business hopefully concludes.

Ye all heard that good news too, for sure.

It came during yet another week during which extra staff have had to be brought into our passport office above in Dublin to cope with the

exploding demand for Irish passports from hundreds of thousands of English citizens intending to flee their country, as well as wise and wily Irish over there proposing to protect their futures once Brexit bites, as bite it surely will.

So the question arises as to who in the name of Heaven would wish to emigrate to England from here in 2019?

The pure truth, once more. Isn’t it ironic, that the creaking and leaking government cabinet over in London is only able to stay in any kind of business at all because of the Irish?

The government is being propped up, is it not, by the Irish and Unionist politicians above in Ulster.

And we can be certain, too, that those canny Unionists led by Arlene Foster will continue to demand a high price for their support.

Otherwise, that rump of a government will have total freedom of movement to the cold opposition benches.

Another reality that Johnny Bull appears to forget is that this now Disunited Kingdom will surely founder even quicker, if no Irish come over after Brexit, and if those already there come home again in droves.

We emigrated over there to get jobs during hard times here at home,yes, but we gave them a lot more than we got back, given the centuries of oppression and tyranny which Johnny Bull inflicted on this island. We built their infrastructure from the ground up, contributed handsomely at every level of their society, right up to the top level, and by God, they will miss the Irish sorely once they are gone.

They will probably learn that lesson too late.

We didn’t just operate on the building sites either. We brightened their lives across the scale. We gave them their brightest stars all over the spectrum of life and of living it.

If their airwaves were garnished by great stars like the late Terry Wogan and Eamon Andrews, who brought to them the concept of craic and blarney which seems to be absent from the stiff upper lips they favour, it is equally true that their celebrated soccer Premiership was brought to today’s multi-millionaire level through the brilliance and courage of great Irish players like Georgie Best, Johnny Giles, and Roy Keane and many others of that ilk.

When their empire was still powerful across the world, we manned their harshest frontiers for them in times of both peace and war.

They would likely have lost the Great War were it not for the countless thousands of Irish soldiers who took their side, both then and in the Second World War.

On the other side of the coin, despite being only a short distance away from all their power, we were the first of their subjugated colonies to throw them out. They are surely grateful today that we left them with the one green field up North which, today, is responsible for keeping that creaking cabinet in office.

That’s the truth too.

We took their language — though keeping our own tongue as well — and elevated it into an art form of our own, far superior in its richness to the original. Through that, we gifted them some of their most popular writers and artists of every kind, from stage and screen especially.

We forgave them for the murderous exploits of Cromwell, King William, and the Black and Tans.

We welcomed them as tourists and visitors and, when the new passport holders who are English are driven to flee their homeland in two years time, we will be happy to see them and give them total freedom of movement.

When no more Irish arrive, from 2019 onwards, and when Brexit bites home, it is hard to see John Bull surviving for long on his own.

Furthermore, because of Brexit, there will be no troika arriving from Brussels to bail him out.

And if he is depending on Donald Trump to cut him a trade deal, and make England great again, then that is unlikely to happen either.

Trump will be lucky to see out this year still in office.

One of these days he might even tweet at dawn that he has sacked himself and is going on holidays to Doonbeg!

So, yes, I believe that loud report from the shattering cabinet in London represents good news for us all.

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