Denis Lehane: Would ewe believe my Valentine’s gift

“What would you like for Valentine’s Day, love?” I asked my missus last Friday, while she was busy washing children, peeling spuds, and ironing my under-garments.

“Well,” says she, “seeing as you asked, I wouldn’t say no to something that sparkles, something with a nice cut to it.”

Valentine’s Day also happens to be her birthday, you see, and it’s the one day of the year when I spoil her like you wouldn’t believe.