I’m digging away to my first million unlike the million euro IFA man
Back in those days in the late ’80s and early ’90s a hard- working fellow could earn up to £3 an hour working up a sweat with the old pike.
Anyhow, being a sensible sort, I spent the most of my earnings on drink and women, and the rest of it I squandered.
Then one day an opportunity arose for me to become a farmer, to escape from my life with the old pike.
So I took up the challenge of farming believing that a much better life lay in store as a farmer, rather than as a farm worker.
For over 20 years now I have been slaving on the land, and, like many others still find my pockets empty most evenings.
And then last week, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, out of the blue came the news that this IFA fellow, working on our behalf, had earned an obscene amount of money.
Heavens above, the crafty fellow had earned almost €1million in the last two years working for us farmers.
Shocked by the number, I had little option but to take to the bed.
And there I remained for three days and four nights. I was inconsolable.
It was feared locally that I would never rise again.
“There’s no money in farming,” I sobbed while under the duvet, “the real money is in working for the farmer.”
The million euro IFA man had changed everything.
The Bull McCabe was no longer in charge, the Bird was now earning more than the Bull.
“Why didn’t I stick with the job of piking out calves houses,” I moaned, “I’d be a millionaire in no time.”
And then I thought about the relief milker and he driving into a farmer’s yard in his Ferrari, like some preening soccer superstar.
If the IFA are on such big money, the rest would surely follow. Irish farming I felt was ruined for sure.
But then, just when all seemed lost, suddenly I had what scientists call a ‘eureka moment’.
I jumped up from my bed when it suddenly dawned on me that this IFA scandal may not be half the scandal it seems.
What exactly did General Secretary, Pat Smith, do to earn such a lump of money?
Has anyone bothered to ask that question?
In the name of God, the man could be the greatest worker dear old Ireland ever did see.
Could he have been doing the work of 10 men for the IFA?
Pat was a good man to clinch a deal, but could he also be good with the photocopying, the typing and the licking of envelopes?
And then when a sup of tea was needed, was it Pat who always scrambled to put the kettle on?
And when some IFA fellow needed a spin home after a night out on the tiles, was it Pat behind the wheel ferrying the inebriated fellow home and perhaps supplying him with a few chips if soakage was needed.
He might well have been the man keeping the whole IFA ship afloat.
When a floor needed mopping, when tables needed polishing, or damn it all, when the IFA loo needed unblocking, was it Pat who worked the plunger?
Yerra, I could see it all now, Pat working like a slave for the organisation.
A man richly deserving of such a mighty wage.
Mark my words, when the dust finally settles on these IFA shenanigans, we could well discover that the likes of poor Pat weren’t paid half enough.
