Time to put bullies back in their place
Misery loves company, so the saying goes. And some bullies use this as an attempt to address their own issues. And the effect this can have on those who are subjected to such cruelty can be devastating and sometimes even life threatening.
But low self esteem isn’t the whole story. New research has shown that many bullies have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others and lack compassion, impulse control, social skills as well as perhaps most importantly, empathy.
They can use bullying as an anger management tool, in the way that an angry person might punch a pillow.
Whatever their underlying motivation, all bullies have certain attitudes and behaviours in common.
Bullies dominate, blame and use others and don’t accept responsibility for their actions.
But bullying is a learned behaviour, not a genetic condition or a learned trait. And they can use new ways to curb their aggression and handle conflict.
It is children who are the most vulnerable to these unprovoked attacks from bullies, never more so than today, when advances in technology mean that there might be no escape from the devastating onslaught.
The Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) advocates for children’s rights and provides services for children in need. It was founded as a successor to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in May 1891.
Their job was to investigate child abuse or neglect and employees were nearly all men, recruited from the ranks of retired army personnel and police. They wore a brown uniform and were popularly known as “cruelty men”.
Today the ISPCC operates several services for children such as the Irish Childline, Leanbh — a service dealing with children who beg, Childfocus — a service supporting children under twelve with emotional difficulties, Teenfocus and a mentoring Support Project to support children, teenagers and parents or guardians.
The ISPCC also advocates vigorously for children’s rights.
In recent months the ISPCC has also introduced an online Bullying Support Service, which provides a confidential text messaging support service for children and young people.
Schools can be a breeding ground for bullying which can have a detrimental and lasting effect on young people. And the ISPCC felt that despite the best efforts of schools, there seemed to be a discord between the amount of bullying experienced by children and the amount, which is reported to teachers and other adults.
It was to address this problem that they introduced their Anti- Bullying Toolkit, a self-assessment tool for teachers to help them identify how effective their own school is in dealing with and reducing the instances of bullying within the school and the wider community.
The toolkit consists of 10 statements based on international research. Each statement is followed by a series of questions, which allow the reader to assess where they are as a school in relation to best practice.
Today all schools are required to have an anti-bullying policy in place, and the strength of the ISPCC’s toolkit is that it allows the school to more accurately assess the effectiveness of its own policy and create a safer, more bully-proof environment.
It takes just two hours to carry out and has been shown to have encouraging results in reducing and curbing bullying and its devastating effects. I spoke with the ISPCC’s regional advocacy officer Sinead McKee, who has been active in introducing the tool-kit to schools in the Cork and Kerry areas.
>>“It’s been very positive. And one of the great things for a lot of schools I’ve visited is that they have been able to give themselves a pat on the back when they’ve realised how well they are tackling some aspects of this issue.
“We always encourage teachers to inform their students and the whole school that they are undertaking the toolkit because it’s important that there is a general awareness and that everyone is involved.”
>>“When I’ve talked to students, I’ve found that there can be a reluctance on the part of bystanders who might have witnessed a bullying incident to speak up because they are afraid. We always encourage them to tell someone — a teacher a parent, someone they trust. We remind them that they have to look out for younger children too. They know its wrong, but sometimes they are simply terrified. But one thing I’ve learned is that it’s not parents or teachers who have the most power, but the children themselves.”
>>“It’s a big issue and it doesn’t end when school’s over. It follows them home. I’m always encouraging parents to upskill, to familiarise themselves with Facebook and other social media sites and to establish ground rules that regulate their children’s use of these devices. People will say things on the Internet that they would never say if they were face to face with someone.
“It’s a very complex situation these days and it’s not going to change overnight.
“We encourage schools to have an on-going approach to the problem through various activities in addition to holding an anti-bullying day or week. Some class bullies seem to have got stuck with the title and yet I’ve never met a bully who was happy with themselves.”
>>“I studied Social Science at UCC and got a Masters in Social work from UCD. I started as a support worker with ISPCC and worked in rural Galway where there was often a lack of services, supporting young people with emotional and other types of difficulties, and their families too of course.
“And although the job can be challenging at times, I am very happy in my work. You have to be prepared to go above and beyond when it’s needed. People often ask me if I don’t get really upset sometimes, and of course, I do. But there is no greater reward than being able to help a child in trouble, or turn a bully around.”
