Personal triumph in the face of adversity

Jeanne Davis had a thriving graphic design business, which she had developed over a number of years.

But within the space of a few months her mother had a serious stroke, and her eldest son Jack was diagnosed as having both Aspergers and dyspraxia. Then six months ago, Jeanne decided to create mycarersoptions.ie, an informative, comprehensive website. She told me her story.

* Q What prompted you to set the site up?

>> My mother and I have always been very close. I had a baby, Jack, and my mother was my childminder, which was really fortunate for me. One day I went to pick Jack up, and I was there when my mother had a serious stroke.

* Did your mother realise what had happened to her?

>>Yes. Her mind was, and still is, as clear as a bell. One day, she said to me, ‘I’ll never change Jack’s nappy again, will I?’ She was in hospital for a year, but all that time, like many people in her situation, she just wanted to come home.

* How did you manage when she finally did?

>>We had the house adapted for wheelchairs, and so that she had everything she needed. But at the time we were also in the process of adopting our son Edgar from Guatemala, and I was still running my business.

* How did that work out for you?

>>For the most part the people we hired were great. I’m still in touch with several of them, and I’m godmother to one lady’s child. But there were some bad experiences too. Like the woman who had been looking after my mother and who called me one day to say that the job was too hard, and she was on a bus on her way home. She’d quit. She told me she had left my mother sitting in her chair.

* How on earth did you manage to keep going?

>>Well, I coped for a while, but eventually I realised something was going to have to give. I decided I was going to have to give up my business. My mother would know if I was feeling overstressed, tired and I didn’t want that for her either. When her condition continued to deteriorate, we knew she needed more care than we could provide, and she entered Our Lady’s Hospice, a marvellous and caring place. But before that happened, we managed to take her to France on a holiday.

* It was around this time when one of your sons was diagnosed with difficulties, wasn’t it?

>>Yes. He is a highly intelligent, creative child who has Aspergers and dyspraxia, which can sometimes leave him feeling confused and alienated, because he knows he’s different. But he eats books, he’s a great man for stories and jokes, and he was a big hit at the school talent show, where he performed a brilliant stand-up routine.

* And, you were also in the process of adding to your family with your daughter, Katie, who you adopted from Ethiopia.

>>Yes, and she is a joy. Luckily, Our Lady’s is quite close to our house, and so I can bring my mother out for a cup of tea, and she can spend time with the children.

* Did you feel that you had enough support from the various services?

>>There are some great organisations out there, but there were many times when I felt like what I needed most was someone to talk to, someone who knew what this experience was really like.

A lot of people see you coping — because you have to — and they tend to think to themselves, ‘Well, that’s all right then. She’s managing.’

But that’s not always the case.

* So that’s why you started the site?

>> I thought it would be good to have somewhere that linked people in with Twitter and Facebook, offered a place where you could go to let off steam. It has a marketplace too, so that you can list equipment like wheelchairs which are no longer in use. So, six months ago, I started work on the site, and mycareoptions.ie came on line four weeks ago. You know, most people don’t choose to become carers, it’s something that just happens to you, and you need all the support you can get.”

* www.mycareoptions.ie