"We do not do this because it is pleasurable. Walking into 8°C seawater in nothing more than neoprene booties, a bikini, and a bobble hat, could, under normal circumstances, result in psychiatric intervention."

You’ve probably heard this already, but here’s the current Taoiseach on mother and baby ‘homes’ (where, in this instance, ‘home’ is Irish for ‘gulag’): "We must learn the lesson that institutionalisation creates power structures and abuses of power, ...

"It took some time to join the Bowie dots. When a friend snuck me her big sister’s old copy of Hunky Dory, I had no idea, as I wore the vinyl thin on the record player in my room, what a bibbity boppity hat might be"

You know when people go on about New Year, New You, so that we all feel a bit of January pressure to improve ourselves? Here’s a better idea - how about we don’t bother with doing that this year. How about we give ourselves a break.

It won’t be long before random words like banana bread, cocooning, and 5km trigger flashbacks and PTSD

"We are urged to stay in our bubble and simultaneously mix with other bubbles, while somehow hoping that that bigger bubbles won’t cause granny to pop (her clogs) by New Year"

"It means that I now have more rights while living in the UK than a UK person living in the UK with a UK passport."

Finally back in face-to-face 12-step meetings, after months in the Zoom wilderness, where meetings seemed more like the intro to The Muppet Show, or, if poorly attended, The Brady Bunch — sorry, younger readers, you may have to google that one.

Having been writing this column since the Napoleonic Wars, I can honestly say that 2020 wins as the surreal fountain that keeps on spouting.

Normally, the what are you doing for Christmas question starts bubbling up just after Halloween.