"Everywhere I look, there’s another pre-menopausal woman frantically uploading last year’s 4th Arc fleeces and Adidas Sambas, shoving the kids off the family laptop to print postage labels."

“You know, a wise woman once said, the eyes are the nipples of the face,” I say. We both look surprised. I don’t know where that came from.

The only thing I’ve ever risked to be thin is a third helping of sticky toffee pudding

I have to admit, I can see the appeal. No more stopping with the coffee cup half to your lips in the middle of the day, breaking out in a sweat trying to remember if you put peanut butter on his crackers when there’s a severe allergy in the school.

"The other day, I started crying over the position of a fruit bowl on the table, and made the cat run into the sliding glass door in confusion. Then I had to add ‘worry about cat concussion’ to my checklist."

“In Ireland,” an animated voice tells us, “jury service is one of the most important duties you can perform as an ordinary citizen.” I sit up straighter. I am on crucial business here.

"The 56-year-old is going for the Trump approach: Deny, deny, deny. She’s treating ageing like it’s a truculent toddler having a tantrum."

Never mind dating apps, being ghosted by carpenters hits hard. As for trying to get a plumber - ha! Good luck. We were so close with one gorgeous designer; husband and I nearly felt we were in an open marriage, we were both utterly smitten.

"Making a new friend outside of school and local sports is so good for them too. It’s a little confidence boost, I think. It’s a chance for them to start fresh, from scratch, be whoever they want to be on that particular week."

“We get to spend the day together in Dublin!” Not an utterance you’re likely to hear too often out of the gob of a Cork woman but there you go.