Stewart set to earn her stripes

WHEN US style guru Martha Stewart was convicted of fraud and facing a stint in jail, there could be only one conclusion — stripes are in this year.

Prison fatigues could be about to become the new black. And when you're throwing your next dinner party forget caviar and parma ham, all you need to make that indelible, not inedible, gastronomic impression is porridge. Or maybe a cake with a file in it.

When asked for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, only that a subpoena should be served with fava beans and a nice chianti.

The 62-year-old was convicted in March of lying about the sale of shares in the biotech company ImClone Systems Inc. The jury found her guilty of one count of conspiracy, two counts of making false statements and one count of obstruction of agency proceedings.

Stewart who has appealed against the verdict is due to be sentenced in June, and could get up to 16 months in prison.

If she gets to remake the Big House, well, a person can only be so creative stamping out license plates.

And how many different ways can someone prepare bread and water?

If she turns up at her designated penitentiary she'll first have her fingerprints taken and then pose for a mug shot. Then Martha will explain to the prison authorities how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice.

According to The Worth 1000.com website: "Life is gonna be rough for Martha Stewart. But, all is not lost. She has her cell. An empty canvas for the expert of home decorating. A little paint here, a little fabric there for drama, and before you know it, Martha and her cellmates will be living in style!"

The results of the cell makeover competition may be used in Guantanamo Bay's internment camp as part of the psych-ops cake.