Revealed: What the British really think of us

AN internal document circulated to British officials ahead of the EU presidency gives a startling insight into what they think of the Irish.

The document, which has been seen by the Irish Examiner, characterises the Irish as a people who, bizarrely, won't find jokes about potatoes funny; have a strong government but no credible opposition and look to Britain to make the running on major issues where there is common ground.

Running to more than 20 pages, its bullet-point presentation mixes some very astute and uncomfortable analysis of the Irish State; some observations that could have come straight from The Irish RM and some that are just wrong.

The most hurtful from the perspective of Fine Gael, Labour and the smaller parties is the pithy description of Irish politics.

"Strong Government, no credible opposition," it bluntly states.

In a section on 'Irish sensitivities', officials are warned to "never take the Mick" and not to crack jokes about potatoes .

The 'Working with the Irish' section is pure Florry Knox.

"Irish civil servants are generally friendly, approachable and laid-back," it counsels before entering the caveat: "But don't be deceived Some very acute minds at work."

In relation to Ireland and the EU, its assessment could be read as flattering, even though it doesn't put Bertie Ahern in the same league as Eamon de Valera in terms of robust independence.

Ireland is not an obvious member of any one group within the EU, it says.

"Pragmatic: makes ad hoc alliance on a case by case basis.

"Only speaks out on its top priorities: even then, will let others do the heavy lifting," it continues. "On non-priorities, it goes with the flow."

Officials are warned not to patronise the Irish because memories of 800 years of conquest remain vivid. Other no-nos include getting into debates about Northern Ireland and referring to the country as Éire. They are also advised not to use words such as Mainland, Southern Ireland, British Isles, Ulster (three counties are in the Republic) or Anglo-Irish.

There is even a phonetic guide to the Government and institutions of state, to wit: Tee shock; Taw nashta; Oroktas; Doyle; Shanad; Feena foil; and Slaan-che (Sláinte). There is no place in the list for Fin-a-gale, however.

The briefing is on the whole flattering, describing Ireland as a country with a population of four million where "everyone knows everyone".

It has gone from poverty to one of the world's richest countries, it states, before adding that it is now the most expensive country in the eurozone.

The Government machine is described as small and stretched, informal and flexible, with a tight focus on national priorities. Personal relationships are essential as the culture is less paper-based than Britain.

However, while it has a good communications system, officials are advised not to expect an instant reply.

As for the presidency, the document states Ireland will not try to impose a national agenda and its ambitions will be further curtailed by the Euro elections and the end of the Commission.

A spokesperson for the British Embassy in Dublin said last night it had provided extensive briefings to civil service departments. But she could not discuss the briefings.