Parents living in fear of adult children

ONE in five parents who contacted a helpline last year said they were frightened by the aggressive behaviour of their adult children.

Parentline, a support group for parents, received more than 5,500 calls, a significant rise on 2001.

More than 1,000 of the callers complained about the activities of their adult children.

The rise in abusive behaviour is being linked to the fact that children are staying in the home longer because of the high cost of housing.

Parentline manager Ruth O’Reilly said: “The callers complaining about their adult children say they are being abused.

"They are not respecting the parents, not respecting the home and have problems with drinking too much and not being prepared to pay their own way.”

Calls to the 21-year-old hotline rose by 7% last year and there is a growing number of fathers ringing, the support group reports.

In the first year of business, just one man phoned the line while last year they represented 14% of callers.

Parents are facing a range of problems, some as a result of their children’s activities, others by psychological factors such as depression. A large number of callers were suffering post natal depression.

Many callers were worried about their children’s addictions and underage drinking.

A third of those who contacted the helpline expressed fears about their children’s drinking.

However, the number contacting about drugs problems has dropped slightly.

Ms O’Reilly said callers came from across the social spectrum.

“I know the perception is those people on the edges ring Parentline. It’s your standard type, people with two kids living in a three bedroom semi in the suburbs,” she said.

Parentline is primarily a listening service for those who feel uncomfortable talking about delicate personal issues to friends or family.

“Parents just do not like to be seen to be disloyal to their kids. It’s hard for them to say that their child is doing something that you deem bad. It reflects on their child and themselves and as parents,” she said.

Callers to the helpline are of varying ages, a small number under 20 and over 60 but with almost half in the 40-60 bracket.

More than a third talked about problems with their teenage children. Nearly 30% of callers were single with the remainder in long term relationships.