Did Fernandes answer the critics or paper over the cracks?
LATE, LATE SHOW: Manchester United's Bruno Fernandes (second left) celebrates scoring their side's first goal of the game with Harry Maguire and team-mates during the Premier League match at Craven Cottage.
"Today was not to play football," said Andre Onana, the Manchester United goalkeeper. "Today it was just important for us to win."
At least someone was prepared to tell the truth about this stinker of a success: on the ball United were an abomination unto football. As abominations go, though, the best ones come with three points. Just ask Erik ten Hag.
Walter White's stunt double was a man under bathyscopic levels of pressure after his side broke up badly in the Manchester derby the previous weekend and again in the Carabao Cup against Newcastle in midweek. There was no hiding behind two 3-0 home reverses and the worst start to a season in six decades.
'Play Like You Mean It' screamed a banner in the away end but if a turgid performance made palatable by Bruno Fernandes' 90th-minute winner was a true replication of ten Hag's tactics then this was nothing but 90 minutes of crack-papering.
"From the whistle until the end, we played a good game," he insisted afterwards. No. No you didn't. You moved like sloths with sunstroke and treated the ball as if laced with polonium. Rasmus Hojlund was left chasing his tail all afternoon and don't get me started about Antony, whose 'heat map' featuring a wafer-thin strip on the right flank.
Even the goal was nothing to be proud about, especially if you are a Fulham player. The home side spurned a handful of opportunities to clear but Joao Palhinha, up until then their best performer, eventually presented the ball to Fernandes, who cleverly evaded a challenger and sent a low drive through the gloves of keeper Bernd Leno.
Cue extravagant celebrations in front of the away end and a personal redemption arc for Fernandes, whose main contribution until that point had been diving to win free-kicks. That and giving the ball away.
A furious Roy Keane had demanded the Portuguese be stripped of the captaincy following the derby loss, now he was being hailed as "an example" skipper by his manager. "I don't understand it," the Dutchman also claimed, about the criticism. Yes. Yes you do. Keane had been nothing but clear on the subject of 'whinging, moaning and throwing arms up in the air constantly' as opposed to actual leadership.
As for the fans, on this occasion it was Fulham's who were protesting, in the politest way possible. Unlike United supporters, they actually like their American owners, except when ticket prices go up by 18%. Yellow cards with the words 'please don't price us out' were raised in the 18th minute and waved gently for a while.
The home players didn't seem to have got the memo about United being the worst in 60-plus years and required 60-plus minutes to test Onana, David de Gea's summer replacement. First Harry Wilson and then Palhinha saw goal-bound drives batted away by the Cameroon keeper, whose performances have been in direct contrast to his team's: steadily improving.
Modestly the former Inter Milan man played down those moments. "Maybe they were important but the most important thing was the victory," he said. "I will speak about the goal from Bruno, he was so important for us. The celebration said everything."
Onana has already had to cope with a mound of criticism following some game-costing clangers in a Champions League opener at Bayern Munich. He redeemed himself with a game-saving penalty save against Copenhagen - the rematch is on Wednesday - and seemed unfazed by the noise surrounding manager and squad since the City defeat.
"You just have to be prepared to put up with it at Manchester United because it is the price to pay for playing for such a big club," he said. "When you don't win everyone is upset and it's normal because we are Manchester United - we have to try to win everything.
"So for me it's good, it means they are used to winning. We have to do everything to win even if we are not in a good situation. Manchester United is one of the biggest clubs in the world so they always have to try to win."
Ironically, United's best player was a man who actually had been stripped of the captaincy. His distribution was often woeful but defensively Harry Maguire was as solid as anyone, in spite of a blow to the head in the very first minute.
The England defender was the unwitting culprit behind Scott McTominay's eighth-minute tap-in being ruled out - Maguire was offside and impeding the defender trying to stop Alejandro Garnacho latching on to Christian Eriksen's free-kick - but was otherwise impressive.
No-one has been subjected to more of the 'noise' that Onana likes than Maguire but he's still there (and Raphael Varane on the bench) possibly through sheer stubbornness.
Maguire had a few friendly words with Fulham defender Calvin Bassey afterwards. Bassey, a youngster at Leicester when Maguire was there, has had a sticky start since signing from Ajax: a red card at Arsenal was followed by two goal-costing errors at Tottenham.
"He just gave me some advice like any top player would," he said. "Of course he’s an inspiration. He was incredible at Leicester and he still is."
Maguire has made strides towards restoring a tarnished reputation, then. Who knows? Perhaps United will have too come May...
Leno 6; Castagne 6, Bassey 6, Ream 6, Robinson 7; Iwobi 6 (Jimenez 89), Palhinha 6; Wilson 6 (Cairney 90), Pereira 6 (De Cordova-Reid 82), Willian 6 (Lukic 75); Muniz 5 (Vinicius 75).
Onana 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Maguire 7, Evans 6, Dalot 7; Eriksen 6 (Mount 79), McTominay 6; Antony 5 (Pellistri 64, 4), Fernandes 6, Garnacho 7; Hojlund 6 (Martial 79).
John Brookes 6
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
